Oct 14, 2026 · 27 min · 8 segments
An ordinary meeting of Lower Clumpthorpe Parish Council takes an unexpected turn when news breaks of a most unfortunate incident in the village. With conflicting accounts, a series of increasingly…
But what has happened? Don't.
Just
don't.
Derek.
Thank you, Chair.
The refuse collection.
Specifically, the orientation of the bins.
Yes, well, I raised the issue last time because the current angled positioning introduces unnecessary variance.
So I decided to look into it.
Of course
you did.
Over three collection days, I timed the operatives as they approached, lifted, emptied, replaced and moved on.
parallel bins were consistently quicker.
On average, 12.37 seconds per bin.
It adds up Oh, it always does.
Lower Clubthorpe has 86 domestic bins.
At 12.37 seconds per bin, that is...
Derek! 989.6 seconds per collection.
16 minutes and 49.3 recurring seconds.
Is that the mean, or the median, or your favourite average?
Er, the mean.
Good, carry on.
If extrapolated across bi-weekly collections, that equates to seven hours, 14.7 minutes saved annually.
Goodness! Which, at current contracted rates, represents a potential saving.
Derek.
But what has happened? Don't.
Just
don't.
Derek.
Thank you, Chair.
The refuse collection.
Specifically, the orientation of the bins.
Yes, well, I raised the issue last time because the current angled positioning introduces unnecessary variance.
So I decided to look into it.
Of course
you did.
Over three collection days, I timed the operatives as they approached, lifted, emptied, replaced and moved on.
parallel bins were consistently quicker.
On average, 12.37 seconds per bin.
It adds up Oh, it always does.
Lower Clubthorpe has 86 domestic bins.
At 12.37 seconds per bin, that is...
Derek! 989.6 seconds per collection.
16 minutes and 49.3 recurring seconds.
Is that the mean, or the median, or your favourite average?
Er, the mean.
Good, carry on.
If extrapolated across bi-weekly collections, that equates to seven hours, 14.7 minutes saved annually.
Goodness! Which, at current contracted rates, represents a potential saving.
Derek.
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