Ep. 126: The “Nothing Will Change In My Marriage” Marriage

All right.

I think back to when my spouse and I were struggling in our marriage as the dark days.

They really were.

They were like very, very dark.

Here's the thing.

I didn't talk to anyone about it.

Or at least like how bad I was really feeling, right? Like maybe I would make like passive aggressive jokes about it here and there, but I would totally play it off as just that, a joke.

I didn't talk to my friends about it.

I didn't talk to my family about it.

The truth is, I didn't want anyone to know.

If you were to look at my social media at that time, everything looked fine.

There are so many pictures of us smiling.

I'm actually looking at my feed from back during that time right now, and there are pictures of us smiling together, like us with the baby.

We are doing really fun things like paddleboarding and traveling and going out to dinner.

And honestly, like nobody would ever know that, well, we, but even I was struggling as much as I can.

Like even I can almost look at them now and be like, wow, even I look a lot happier than I know that I was feeling.

Because that's the thing, right? On the outside, it looked fine.

It looked good, even.

Like, no one would ever know.

You wouldn't know that I was struggling into the point where I'm like, oh my gosh, I don't know if we are going to make it.

But inside, I felt anything but good.

I felt like I had made the biggest mistake ever, and I didn't know how to fix it.

And it terrified me that I might not actually be able to fix it.

Like, it might be something that just can't be fixed.

And remember, I had over a decade of marriage experience at that point, like working directly with couples.