Ep. 123: Are These 5 Things Keeping You From Seeing Changes In Your Marriage?

So you all know that I have been a PhD psychologist and marriage expert for almost 20 years now.

And there are definitely some common barriers that get in the way of you feeling happy in your marriage after you have kids.

It's because so...

Much of the issues that you have with your spouse don't actually have anything to do with the two of you as individuals, but it's because of the systemic stress that's placed on your marriage without giving you any of the tools to deal with them.

It's why you relate.

to those videos where other moms are talking about their frustration when their spouse goes and plays golf on the weekends and it's why when you see these other women's posting about their marriage struggles you're like oh my gosh that's me or like we're having the same problem or even when I'm talking in this podcast and you're like oh yes my spouse and I do that same exact thing And it's because it's a reflection of that systemic stress.

It just plays out in very predictable ways if you know how to look for it and what you're looking for.

So my plan with today's episode is to go over some of these predictable barriers that I see often with clients.

that I may or may not have experienced myself.

And then we will talk about what you can do to recognize them sooner and troubleshoot them before they come super problematic.

I like to think of this episode like getting your teeth cleaned regularly or like having a yearly physical.

Although, now that I'm saying that out loud, I hope this episode is way more enjoyable than either of those things.

So maybe it's not a good metaphor at all.

But really, the goal of like those appointments and the goal of what I hope this episode is, is to help you figure out things that you need to do before you bring out the big guns, before you even need big intervention, before things get bad.

So I'm going to be talking about the common barriers that so many of us are experiencing.

But just like with anything, there's going to be differences within these.

We're all different.

We're all different individually as couples.

I think that if we're aware of what can come up, it's easier than to think about how we as individuals would then need to troubleshoot it.

Going back to that teeth cleaning example, some people like electric toothbrushes, others like manuals, some like floss, some use mouthwash, some use those water picky thingies, right? Like there's a lot of options for how we can maintain the hygiene of our teeth and our mouth to ensure that you stay healthy.

And that same thing goes for marriages.

The overall goal here is the same for everyone.

We all want our marriages to feel healthy.

We want to avoid the common traps that lead to marriage shutdown.

And we want to feel good in our marriage and with our spouse.