Let's Get It With Coach Los

Let's Get It With Coach Los

4 Hidden Ways You're Teaching Them to Do LESS

Oct 3, 2026 · 8 min · 8 segments

If you are always the one holding the relationship together, solving the problems, planning everything, and anticipating every need, you may think you are being a great partner. But you may actually…

If you are always the one holding the relationship together, solving the problems, planning everything, and anticipating every need, you may think you are being a great partner. But you may actually be teaching the other person to do less. In this episode, Coach Los breaks down four hidden ways overfunctioning in relationships creates emotional imbalance, resentment, and burnout. If you constantly feel like you are doing all the work in your relationship, carrying the emotional load, or wondering why your partner never steps up, the problem may not only be what they are failing to do. It may also be the space you are not leaving for them to contribute. Coach Los breaks down: - Why anticipating every need can become anxiety management instead of love - How overfunctioning can weaken accountability in a relationship - Why fixing problems before they happen can stop your partner from growing - How doing emotional labor for two creates an unhealthy imbalance - Why speaking for your partner keeps them from using their own voice - How avoiding conflict can turn into self-silencing - Why healthy relationships need mutual responsibility, not one person carrying everything Coach Los also explores why overfunctioning often comes from fear. Fear that things will fall apart. Fear that you will not be enough. Fear that if you stop doing everything, the relationship will stop working. But healthy love requires room for both people to participate. Because you show people how to love you by giving them the opportunity to actually show up for you.

If you are always the one holding the relationship together, solving the problems, planning everything, and anticipating every need, you may think you are being a great partner. But you may actually…

Speakers: Los AceyHost

Show signals: SuitabilitySafeBiasNot politicalAudience≈245k followers

The Cost of Over-Functioning0:34 – 2:58

0:34

You ever wonder why you're always the one holding everything together in your relationship or your relationships? Why you're the one that's exhausted, becoming resentful, and silently just wondering why no one else ever steps up? And it's not because they don't care.

0:50

Oh no, it's because you've taught them not to.

0:53

And the hardest thing to accept is that you're over-functioning.

0:57

And over-functioning isn't love, it's fear dressed up in disguise.

1:02

So in this video, I'm gonna break down how your I'll handle it energy might be creating emotional imbalance in your relationships with the four hidden ways you're teaching them to do less, and how to start giving from love, not anxiety.

1:20

A client of mine was in a relationship with a good man, but she was still drained because at some point in the process, she started planning all the dates.

1:28

She'd solve every argument for them, right? Heck, got to the point where she could anticipate every need before he even realized he had one.

1:38

And she thought these things made her a great partner until she looked up over time and realized, ugh, he's not doing some of the things he used to do, or not doing them as much, or he's doing a lot less.

1:51

Not because he didn't care, but because she never left room for him to care.

1:56

See, underneath all that effort was one quiet belief.

2:01

If I stop doing, everything will fall apart, or he might leave, or, you know, I'm not gonna be enough or doing enough.

2:10

All these kind of thoughts that she got into her head to where she was trying to, you know, overcompensate and do more of the work for both of them to ensure that she didn't fail, that they didn't fail, that she didn't have to face an unlikely or undesired outcome, I should say.

2:28

Not unlikely, right? It'd be more likely, but an undesirable outcome.

2:32

But truth is, it's not love if your peace depends on your performance.

2:38

Over-functioning is what happens whenever care turns into control.

2:44

That's when you're doing too much.

2:45

Then you end up parenting your partner, managing the relationship, and all the while wondering why they never take initiative.

2:53

And here's why.

2:55

People don't step up where they've been trained to sit down.

The Cost of Over-Functioning0:34 – 2:58

0:34

You ever wonder why you're always the one holding everything together in your relationship or your relationships? Why you're the one that's exhausted, becoming resentful, and silently just wondering why no one else ever steps up? And it's not because they don't care.

0:50

Oh no, it's because you've taught them not to.

0:53

And the hardest thing to accept is that you're over-functioning.

0:57

And over-functioning isn't love, it's fear dressed up in disguise.

1:02

So in this video, I'm gonna break down how your I'll handle it energy might be creating emotional imbalance in your relationships with the four hidden ways you're teaching them to do less, and how to start giving from love, not anxiety.

1:20

A client of mine was in a relationship with a good man, but she was still drained because at some point in the process, she started planning all the dates.

1:28

She'd solve every argument for them, right? Heck, got to the point where she could anticipate every need before he even realized he had one.

1:38

And she thought these things made her a great partner until she looked up over time and realized, ugh, he's not doing some of the things he used to do, or not doing them as much, or he's doing a lot less.

1:51

Not because he didn't care, but because she never left room for him to care.

1:56

See, underneath all that effort was one quiet belief.

2:01

If I stop doing, everything will fall apart, or he might leave, or, you know, I'm not gonna be enough or doing enough.

2:10

All these kind of thoughts that she got into her head to where she was trying to, you know, overcompensate and do more of the work for both of them to ensure that she didn't fail, that they didn't fail, that she didn't have to face an unlikely or undesired outcome, I should say.

2:28

Not unlikely, right? It'd be more likely, but an undesirable outcome.

2:32

But truth is, it's not love if your peace depends on your performance.

2:38

Over-functioning is what happens whenever care turns into control.

2:44

That's when you're doing too much.

2:45

Then you end up parenting your partner, managing the relationship, and all the while wondering why they never take initiative.

2:53

And here's why.

2:55

People don't step up where they've been trained to sit down.