Is It Them or Is It You? The Leadership Blind Spot Destroying Team Connection

What if the engagement problem in your team isn’t really an engagement problem at all? When people become disengaged, it can be tempting to look outward. We blame workload, culture, different generations, competing priorities or the people themselves. But what happens when the most useful place for a leader to look is in the mirror? In this episode of Leading You, I’m joined by executive coach, speaker, facilitator and author Kylie Paatsch to explore why connection sits at the heart of high-performing leadership teams. Kylie shares a pivotal moment from her own leadership career when she discovered that members of her team had deliberately gone to lunch without her - and spent the time expressing their frustrations about her leadership. It was painful feedback, but it prompted a question that changed the way she led: **How have I contributed to this?** We explore why leaders can mistake proximity for connection, particularly when regular meetings and constant communication create the illusion that strong relationships already exist. Kylie explains the difference between engagement as an outcome and connection as one of the things that fuels it - and why surface-level engagement initiatives rarely solve deeper relational issues. We also unpack Kylie’s practical **Know, Show, Grow** framework from her book, *The Connection Effect*, and how leaders can use it to strengthen trust, ownership, loyalty and performance. **In this episode I explore:** - Why leadership problems are not always “people problems” - How leaders can mistake proximity for genuine connection - Why engagement is an outcome rather than the starting point - The importance of taking responsibility before blaming your team - How to ask your people for feedback without becoming defensive - Why protecting one-on-one time is essential for leadership - Kylie’s Know, Show, Grow framework for creating stronger relationships We also discuss why connection is a leadership skill rather than a personality trait. You do not have to be highly extroverted or naturally relationship-focused to build strong relationships with your people. You can learn to become more intentional about understanding them, demonstrating that understanding and investing in their development. **Your leadership takeaway:** Before trying to fix your team’s engagement, ask yourself a different question: *How might my leadership be contributing to what I’m experiencing?* Then be willing to listen to the answer - and, importantly, act on it. 00:00 Own Your Leadership 00:22 Meet Julie and Kylie 01:54 The Bathroom Moment 07:52 Why Leaders Miss It 10:53 Engagement vs Connection 15:35 The Feedback Conversation 19:48 Protect One on Ones 22:09 Know Show Grow Model 25:33 Show and Model Care 28:44 Grow Your People 30:24 Wrap Up and Next Steps 31:02 Ratings and Farewell See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.