Directions 23-10-2026

Lagos, you just heard from a relationship therapist, Esther Perel, and her very interesting take on infidelity and affairs.

And she said that she's not necessarily pro-affairs, but she believes that even in a situation where infidelity happens, good can come out of evil.

And the core takeaways from her talk would be that affairs doesn't always mean a broken marriage.

They happen in relationships.

They are even as old as marriages.

I mean, but even where couples love each other, affairs happen.

Where couples don't love each other, affairs happen.

And they are often driven by an internal search for aliveness rather than a direct rejection of the spouse.

And there's a new perspective that can come out of that.

The most intoxicating discovery in an affair is really just the new person, but rather the discovery, vibrant version of oneself.

I mean, she was trying to explain why people have affairs.

You know, for some people, they're just looking for a different version of themselves.

or aversion of themselves they never really had the time to experience and it could be so many reasons some people have affairs for existential dilemmas you know sometimes people are torn between two fundamental needs the need for security that's predictability safety route and the need for adventure the trauma of an affair is tied heavily to deception one of the reasons why it hurts is the deception part of it the breach of trust the humiliation of the unknown It's not really because of the physical act itself for a number of people.

I know for some people, you know, they just really can't see their partner the same way again physically and all of that.

But then, luckily for millions of people, because as much as we frown against it, affairs continue to happen.

Now, an affair is a devastating crisis for most people, but it does not automatically mean the end of a relationship.

For some couples, it forces honest conversations.

It can force, but it can lead to you having honest conversations about...

Some of the neglected boundaries, some of the ways you've taken yourselves for granted, some of the unexplored desires that you have, it can lead to a second marriage.

It can lead to a new marriage.

In fact, it can lead to a real marriage with the same partner.

And then for some people, it can lead to the end of a marriage and the beginning of a new marriage with some other person.

So, I mean, according to her, it's not really necessary for couples to just throw away their marriage just because an affair has happened.

But then, you know, it doesn't mean that you just have to embrace the whole thing if things are no longer working.