Intimacy for Working Moms | Desire, Relationships, Sexuality, Romance, Marriage
Jun 8, 2026 · 13 min · 8 segments
Does sex still feel like an obligation at the end of the day? Ever wonder why? According to relationship expert Esther Perel, female desire dies faster than male desire in a marriage due to lack of…
So let's go ahead and get started.
So last week I talked about one of my favorite experts in the field of sex and relationships, and that is Esther Perel.
Since I was traveling, I had a bit of time to go back into her content and watch some of her latest videos and listen to her podcast.
And what stood out to me the most was this fact that she cited that comes from research.
And that is that female desire dies faster than male desire in a marriage or in a long-term relationship.
Now, Perel explains this as being because for a man in a marriage or a long-term relationship, If they want to have sex, their partner's there, and if they're able to have sex frequently or often enough, they're typically okay with that.
But for the female, she explained that this isn't enough.
They want the seduction and they want the romance.
So in a marriage, the 10 p.m. sex on a Wednesday night with five minutes of foreplay, that's not what women want.
They want the storyline.
They want the plot there.
And that kind of 10 p.m. Wednesday night sex, that's why it feels like a chore.
The woman's not interested in that kind of sex.
Right? That rings true.
That's exactly why I say on this podcast that sex can feel like a chore.
And so Perel goes on to say that when women are saying no to this kind of sex, it's not because they don't want sex.
It's not because they're not interested in it.
It's that this context isn't interesting enough and it's not enough to drive their desire.
The desire for that is not there.
So the desire is that wanting.
And when you think about it, it's like the opposite is true.
Because when you truly have desire and you truly want sex, it almost doesn't even matter how tired you are because you're still going to want it.
Think about the beginning of your relationship.
Weren't there times that you were tired, but you still really wanted to get it on with your partner because you desired them? Everything was new.
You guys were buzzing with the newness of that relationship.
So let's go ahead and get started.
So last week I talked about one of my favorite experts in the field of sex and relationships, and that is Esther Perel.
Since I was traveling, I had a bit of time to go back into her content and watch some of her latest videos and listen to her podcast.
And what stood out to me the most was this fact that she cited that comes from research.
And that is that female desire dies faster than male desire in a marriage or in a long-term relationship.
Now, Perel explains this as being because for a man in a marriage or a long-term relationship, If they want to have sex, their partner's there, and if they're able to have sex frequently or often enough, they're typically okay with that.
But for the female, she explained that this isn't enough.
They want the seduction and they want the romance.
So in a marriage, the 10 p.m. sex on a Wednesday night with five minutes of foreplay, that's not what women want.
They want the storyline.
They want the plot there.
And that kind of 10 p.m. Wednesday night sex, that's why it feels like a chore.
The woman's not interested in that kind of sex.
Right? That rings true.
That's exactly why I say on this podcast that sex can feel like a chore.
And so Perel goes on to say that when women are saying no to this kind of sex, it's not because they don't want sex.
It's not because they're not interested in it.
It's that this context isn't interesting enough and it's not enough to drive their desire.
The desire for that is not there.
So the desire is that wanting.
And when you think about it, it's like the opposite is true.
Because when you truly have desire and you truly want sex, it almost doesn't even matter how tired you are because you're still going to want it.
Think about the beginning of your relationship.
Weren't there times that you were tired, but you still really wanted to get it on with your partner because you desired them? Everything was new.
You guys were buzzing with the newness of that relationship.
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