231: Sometimes Love Says No: How to Set Boundaries Without Becoming a Doormat

Many people have the belief that showing up with love means letting other people do whatever the heck they want.

So they find themselves in relationships where they're tolerating poor behavior or mistreatment or imbalance, or just really feeling taken advantage of in a relationship.

And they stay in those relationships because they're hoping that the other person, that they'll eventually see how kind and patient and amazing and brilliant and self-sacrificing that they are.

And eventually they might get some love and kindness in return.

But the thing is that while they think that self-sacrificing like that and letting people walk all over them is going to create appreciation and connection in a relationship, what it actually does is it creates a feeling of being walked over, taken advantage of, and honestly, just kind of feeling generally low and disappointed when people don't show up in the way that we would have liked for them to show up.

And when we continue to tolerate poor behavior, then over time, it creates doormat energy.

Now, there is a very big difference between doormat energy and welcome mat energy.

The doormat energy, it carries the same energy as that really nasty rug by your back door where everybody wipes their feet.

They all leave their crap there and it never ever gets cleaned.

In fact, maybe you don't even remember what color that back mat is anymore because now it's just simply become a place to wipe your feet.

But welcome mat energy, it is very different.

Welcome mat energy, it sets a clear boundary between yourself and the outside world.

It is very well taken care of, this welcome mat energy.

In fact, it's often very beautiful.

So it may have a whole bunch of personal touches around it, like it might have some planters on either side of the welcome mat.

There might be a beautiful wreath hanging on the door above it.

But the welcome mat, it's on a porch that is swept clean, it's warm, it's welcoming, it's beautiful.

And also, because that space is very well maintained, then it naturally demands respect.

Nobody is going to go up on this absolutely beautiful porch and wipe their nasty mucking boots, all right? They can tell just by looking at this porch that, okay, this is not a place to leave your yuck.

Welcome that energy.

It says, I will be respected.

My space will be respected.

And if you show up just wanting to leave your crap here, I'm probably not going to let you inside.