Heads Need A Parade

We take the approach that in your relationship, one of you is in heart mode.

One of you is a heart partner.

That heart partner, Beverly's m- my, my little heart partner.

Beverly is constantly making sure that everybody feels okay as she makes decisions.

She's taking everybody's feelings into account.

I'm the head partner.

I don't do it that way.

W- The head partner in a relationship looks at things logically and tries to decide right and wrong and how to make decisions based on some kind of crazy spreadsheet or pros and cons and all of that stuff.

So we do it differently.

We make decisions differently.

This happens in all relationships.

One of you is in heart mode.

One of you is making decisions in head mode, and that leads to a lot of the conflict.

And w- what we're talking about today is the core of conflict for head partners.

It's the need for the parade.

So a lot of what the head partner also does is they show love through what they do, and hearts are very much showing love by caring, and that is a very big disconnect.

It was something that I think Randy and I early on noticed it, but it wasn't until we were writing The Couple's Rule Book where we started to really break things down as a social science and figure out what was really going on in our different styles.

And that's the truth of it at a very deep level.