May 26, 2026 · 28 min · 10 segments
People who take care of the dying say there seems to be several things those at the end-of-life really want. They want to repair damaged relationships, say thank you to people who meant the most to…
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Well, well-being, I think, is defined in my experience as feeling loved, being able to love others, and at least occasionally having the capacity to experience joy.
I usually say, in shorthand, to love, to feel love, and at least occasionally to laugh.
Because if you can laugh, that reflects some sense of well-being, and I distinguish that from being mentally healthy.
There's a story I heard a long time ago about Sigmund Freud, where somebody yelled out to Sigmund Freud as he was walking through a crowd after speaking at a large conference, and they said, "Dr.
Freud, Dr. Freud, how do you define mental health?" And he said, "To love and to work." And boy, you know, not a bad toss-off line.
If you're an adult and you can get yourself to work, and you're able to love, you must be somewhat emotionally healthy.
You can be really even kind of suffering in, in some regards, like if you're living through an economic depression or a war-torn country, but if you can love and work, I'd say that's health.
But that's different than feeling well within oneself, and well within oneself, I would say, is to love and to work, and at least occasionally to be able to laugh, to have some experience of joy.
When somebody's living through late stage of an illness or they're in their, you know, 90s, work is probably irrelevant.
So what then? Well, I don't know any research around this, but I, I can tell you that my dad, frankly, when he was living with and dying of pancreatic cancer, had given up work, sold his business.
He was able to love, and he felt loved, and with my daughter, Leila, in his arms at age seven or eight months, you could see him light up.
You know, I appreciate your story about your dad, because the person that got me involved in all of this work around end of life was a gentleman who had ALS.
Bruce Kramer was his name, and what was striking to me is as his body crumbled, his life expanded and deepened on an emotional level, even as he was actively dying.
Well, well-being, I think, is defined in my experience as feeling loved, being able to love others, and at least occasionally having the capacity to experience joy.
I usually say, in shorthand, to love, to feel love, and at least occasionally to laugh.
Because if you can laugh, that reflects some sense of well-being, and I distinguish that from being mentally healthy.
There's a story I heard a long time ago about Sigmund Freud, where somebody yelled out to Sigmund Freud as he was walking through a crowd after speaking at a large conference, and they said, "Dr.
Freud, Dr. Freud, how do you define mental health?" And he said, "To love and to work." And boy, you know, not a bad toss-off line.
If you're an adult and you can get yourself to work, and you're able to love, you must be somewhat emotionally healthy.
You can be really even kind of suffering in, in some regards, like if you're living through an economic depression or a war-torn country, but if you can love and work, I'd say that's health.
But that's different than feeling well within oneself, and well within oneself, I would say, is to love and to work, and at least occasionally to be able to laugh, to have some experience of joy.
When somebody's living through late stage of an illness or they're in their, you know, 90s, work is probably irrelevant.
So what then? Well, I don't know any research around this, but I, I can tell you that my dad, frankly, when he was living with and dying of pancreatic cancer, had given up work, sold his business.
He was able to love, and he felt loved, and with my daughter, Leila, in his arms at age seven or eight months, you could see him light up.
You know, I appreciate your story about your dad, because the person that got me involved in all of this work around end of life was a gentleman who had ALS.
Bruce Kramer was his name, and what was striking to me is as his body crumbled, his life expanded and deepened on an emotional level, even as he was actively dying.
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