Episode 7 - Pushed Into Corners

So my ex-husband, like many abusers, had a very bad temper.

He would often use fun family outings as a bargaining chip for getting his way.

We would plan an outing, and we would be ready to go, and someone wouldn't listen to him, or the kids would act up, and he would say, "Fine, we're just not gonna go." And of course, the kids would get upset, and he would get his way because they would fall into line.

And when I say they would fall into line, I don't mean, like, they would start behaving properly.

I mean, like, if he wanted to, them to wear something, like a particular outfit, and they refused to wear it, he would threaten to not take them places because they wouldn't wear what he wanted them to wear.

Like s- like really petty things like that.

He, that's how he basically manipulated the kids to do what he wanted.

But he would use this with me as well.

So one time, for example, we planned a very last-minute overnight trip during Golden Week, which is a week of Japanese holidays in late April, early May.

Often, our trips were last-minute because I never felt like we had the money to go anywhere.

But he would say things like, "It's Children's Day.

We need to do something for the kids." Mind you, he never said this about Mother's Day or my birthday.

I also think that a lot of the time he would, quote unquote, "do business" when we went somewhere.

So he would, like, make a stop while we were wherever on holiday, and I think he was picking up a purchase or making a payment or brokering a deal a lot of the time.

Like, I, I can't say for sure, but I do know that at sometimes these things did happen, but I can't say it happened every time we went on a trip.

For this particular trip, though, I made the reservation the night before, and he and I got into a fight as we were getting into the car to drive to Kanazawa.

And I don't remember what the fight was about.

I just remember being really upset because he was gaslighting me about something.

He was telling me something had happened that I knew hadn't, or vice versa, and he was swearing up and down that it was the truth when I knew that it wasn't.

And I refused to agree with him, and so he said, "Fine.

If this is how you're gonna act, this trip isn't gonna be any fun, so I'm just gonna go to work instead." And, like, we were all sitting in the car ready to leave from in front of our house at this point when he got out of the driver's seat, slammed the door, and then got into his truck and drove off.

But the car was all packed, and the kids were ready to go, so I said to him as he was getting out of the car something like, you know, "Why are you gonna punish the kids for this?" And he said something like, "I'm not punishing them.

You are." So I was just so frustrated and so angry, and I felt so bad for my kids, who were up, you know, until that morning.

They had no idea we were even going anywhere, and now they were excited about the trip, and he just drove off pissed off because I wouldn't agree with him about something that I knew wasn't true.

Plus, I couldn't afford to throw away money on a canceled reservation, so I got into the driver's seat and drove the car all the way to Kanazawa with the kids.