78. The Toddler in Your Head | Why Killing Your Ego Isn't the Answer

What if your ego isn't the villain you've been told it is? In this mini episode, I'm offering a reframe I got from my friend Sasha Feldman (actor-turned-therapist and a past Get Messy guest): the ego isn't something to defeat, it's more like a toddler — scared, overwhelmed, and desperately needing someone to hold it together, not shame it into submission. I get into what it actually looks like when the "toddler" shows up — that defensive, reactive flare when something feels threatening or small — and why the goal isn't to eliminate that reaction, but to bring in "the adult": the part of you that can witness the reaction without being consumed by it. I also connect this to the window of tolerance, a concept from my grad school work, and why creatives specifically are constantly in situations designed to trigger the ego. This one's a short but powerful reframe for anyone who's been trying to "kill" their ego instead of learning how to hold it. **In This Episode:** - Why the ego isn't the enemy — it's more like a scared toddler - Where this reframe came from: a conversation with Sasha Feldman - What it looks like when the "toddler" flares up (and how to notice it) - The role of "the adult" — holding the reaction instead of being run by it - The window of tolerance, and why the toddler blows you right out of it - Why creatives are constantly in ego-triggering situations - Hold the toddler, let the adult lead **RESOURCES:** - Get Messy episode with Sasha Feldman ✨Connect with Maddie✨ Explore Maddie’s Website | @messywithmaddie