Sep 3, 2026 · 27 min · 10 segments
Send us Fan Mail We all have moments when parenting pushes us past our limit. In this episode, we explore what's really happening in our brains and…
I'm stuck in my feelings of anger and frustration and I haven't been able to find a release.
For me, the release comes in being able to find my tears.
Sometimes our tears get stuck.
They get stuck because of the busyness of life.
They get stuck because we put the walls up.
and don't have a safe relationship so that we can be vulnerable and have someone hold space for us when we have our tears.
I know that in any of those parenting moments, in the heat of the moment when I flip my lid, that I am doing the best that I can in that moment.
It's not optimal.
Sometimes I go, oh, my goodness, that really wasn't how I wanted to parent.
And I try to hold on to what's the least bad thing I can do in this moment.
I don't mean that I'm in my brain thinking, oh, well, I could choose between yelling or some other form of harsh discipline.
What I mean is that I give myself the grace to go, OK, I can feel myself simmering.
I can feel the eruption coming.
What can I do in this moment that's going to cause the least harm to my relationship with my children? It is our responsibility as parents not to harm or scare our children.
And that is something that stirs me up more than I can put into words.
I can't understand how anybody would want to harm a child.
And yet in those moments when we flip our lid, you can see that there is a pathway where people will be out of control and do things that are beyond understanding.
Today's episode isn't about those extreme ends of child abuse and family violence, but I do want to acknowledge that those things do happen.
They happen in our modern world.
Our job as adults is to protect our children.
Our job as a society is to care for and provide social supports to those adults who are harming their children.
But let's bring it back to the here and now, to you, to me, in our homes.
And what can we do on a day to day basis when we know that there are things that will trigger us and lead us towards losing the plot, yelling at our children? What can we do so that that happens less and less? How can we give ourselves some grace and time to do the personal work that we need to do to explore our triggers and develop some different habits and ways of responding? In Circle of Security Parenting, which I've talked about in other episodes, There is the concept of hands.
I'm stuck in my feelings of anger and frustration and I haven't been able to find a release.
For me, the release comes in being able to find my tears.
Sometimes our tears get stuck.
They get stuck because of the busyness of life.
They get stuck because we put the walls up.
and don't have a safe relationship so that we can be vulnerable and have someone hold space for us when we have our tears.
I know that in any of those parenting moments, in the heat of the moment when I flip my lid, that I am doing the best that I can in that moment.
It's not optimal.
Sometimes I go, oh, my goodness, that really wasn't how I wanted to parent.
And I try to hold on to what's the least bad thing I can do in this moment.
I don't mean that I'm in my brain thinking, oh, well, I could choose between yelling or some other form of harsh discipline.
What I mean is that I give myself the grace to go, OK, I can feel myself simmering.
I can feel the eruption coming.
What can I do in this moment that's going to cause the least harm to my relationship with my children? It is our responsibility as parents not to harm or scare our children.
And that is something that stirs me up more than I can put into words.
I can't understand how anybody would want to harm a child.
And yet in those moments when we flip our lid, you can see that there is a pathway where people will be out of control and do things that are beyond understanding.
Today's episode isn't about those extreme ends of child abuse and family violence, but I do want to acknowledge that those things do happen.
They happen in our modern world.
Our job as adults is to protect our children.
Our job as a society is to care for and provide social supports to those adults who are harming their children.
But let's bring it back to the here and now, to you, to me, in our homes.
And what can we do on a day to day basis when we know that there are things that will trigger us and lead us towards losing the plot, yelling at our children? What can we do so that that happens less and less? How can we give ourselves some grace and time to do the personal work that we need to do to explore our triggers and develop some different habits and ways of responding? In Circle of Security Parenting, which I've talked about in other episodes, There is the concept of hands.
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3 of 7
Why Conditional Apologies Fail
Apologies cannot erase repeated harm to children
The Walk Away Moment
She walks away before anger takes over
Adults Must De-Escalate
The adult, not the child, must de-escalate
+4 more clips · 8 min 48 sec of audio in all
7 of 25
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