How to Help Your Teen With Friendship Drama with Sheri Gazitt

Well, I mean, let's go there then, because I have done some research, I poked around your website, and you have four pillars of what teens actually need.

So can we talk through each of those pillars?

Yes.

So this is one area that I looked at and kind of comparing therapy and coaching a little bit here of what are girls getting in therapy and what do they need in addition to that? And so sometimes I'll work with kids who are seeing a therapist and I'm a complement to therapy.

But there's four key areas that really we need to wrap around all four of these to make an impact on girls who are feeling lonely or or who are in the midst of girl drama.

And the first is identity.

They need to be comfortable in who they are.

Now, it's tricky at this stage, because if we're looking at the psychological stages, it's identity versus confusion, according to Erickson.

So they're constantly trying to figure that out, and it can change We see it as parents week to week, month to month of who they are, how they're talking, how they're dressing, what their interests are.

So that's a tricky one.

But we have to figure out what is the basic idea of who they are.

And as they change, that they accept that person that they're becoming.

The second is beliefs.

And you touched on this, the limiting beliefs that girls are gathering up and putting in their backpack.

I think of it as their backpack of life.

What are they taking along with them? If they have someone who ends a friendship, are they taking away from that friendships are always going to end poorly or that it's not worth having friends or everybody thinks I'm annoying? What are the beliefs that are there? And we're not trying to say they can never have any negative thoughts and beliefs.

We just need to recognize them.

And when they are able to recognize them, then they can start to see the other expansive beliefs instead.

The third is emotional resilience.

If we're going to encourage girls to get out there and get vulnerable and connect, they have to be ready for rejection because not everybody connects.

You see this, I'm sure.

And you know, the big circles that you're in, you know, all these people can gather and have a great time, but it doesn't mean that the person sitting over on one side is going to really connect with the person on the other because not everybody does.

It's kind of like dating.

You have to have some sort of connection.

You just feel that connection.

Well, I mean, let's go there then, because I have done some research, I poked around your website, and you have four pillars of what teens actually need.

So can we talk through each of those pillars?

Yes.

So this is one area that I looked at and kind of comparing therapy and coaching a little bit here of what are girls getting in therapy and what do they need in addition to that? And so sometimes I'll work with kids who are seeing a therapist and I'm a complement to therapy.

But there's four key areas that really we need to wrap around all four of these to make an impact on girls who are feeling lonely or or who are in the midst of girl drama.

And the first is identity.

They need to be comfortable in who they are.

Now, it's tricky at this stage, because if we're looking at the psychological stages, it's identity versus confusion, according to Erickson.

So they're constantly trying to figure that out, and it can change We see it as parents week to week, month to month of who they are, how they're talking, how they're dressing, what their interests are.

So that's a tricky one.

But we have to figure out what is the basic idea of who they are.

And as they change, that they accept that person that they're becoming.

The second is beliefs.

And you touched on this, the limiting beliefs that girls are gathering up and putting in their backpack.

I think of it as their backpack of life.

What are they taking along with them? If they have someone who ends a friendship, are they taking away from that friendships are always going to end poorly or that it's not worth having friends or everybody thinks I'm annoying? What are the beliefs that are there? And we're not trying to say they can never have any negative thoughts and beliefs.

We just need to recognize them.

And when they are able to recognize them, then they can start to see the other expansive beliefs instead.

The third is emotional resilience.

If we're going to encourage girls to get out there and get vulnerable and connect, they have to be ready for rejection because not everybody connects.

You see this, I'm sure.

And you know, the big circles that you're in, you know, all these people can gather and have a great time, but it doesn't mean that the person sitting over on one side is going to really connect with the person on the other because not everybody does.

It's kind of like dating.

You have to have some sort of connection.

You just feel that connection.