Why Do I Keep Getting Ghosted? 👻

So I guess that leads us to the question, why do I keep getting ghosted? And actually, we want to just flip that a little bit and think about why is it that people ghost in general? Because truthfully, you're probably not the problem, right? People that are getting ghosted, you might feel like it's really, really painful and absolutely it probably is.

But you might start internalizing that and thinking that I'm the problem.

I'm the reason that this person doesn't have anything to do with me again.

But the truth is, it's a very common experience, albeit not a nice one.

And often it's not actually to do with you as a person.

There could be things about you that the other person didn't like or didn't quite click with.

And that could be part of the reason that they've ghosted you, but it's less to do about you and more to do with the other person not knowing how to manage those uncomfortable feelings i hope that i hope that kind of makes a little bit of sense there so there could be things about you there yeah there could be things about you that are problematic or that are not great and that you as a couple are not gonna you know go forwards but it's usually to do with the other person not knowing how to just be an adult talk about it like come on let me just tell you it's been nice to meet you but for whatever reason we don't click

Basically, anyone who ghosts, including myself, I'm included in this, we're all cowards.

We're all absolute wimps.

And it is genuinely because, so like other times, you know, I've just not wanted to tell the person because I'm a wimp.

And so I'll just delete the app or I'll just not message again.

And that is exactly the same for other people.

Because realistically, ghosting is just not ending that conversation, not having the communication there.

if you decide actually this person has really pissed you off on this date and you don't like them or they've said like a racist joke and you don't find it funny and they don't align with your values it's the person that's ghosting that's still the problem because they've not told you that that's the reason why they don't want to see you again and for some people it doesn't have to be that deep you know some people get really upset if someone's ghosted and someone will say you know you only had one date they don't owe you anything which is technically true but just to be a decent human all it needs to take is it was great to see you I don't want to have a second date Equally, I say that and I know for a while that I wouldn't do that.

I would just ghost.

If they haven't heard from me in three days, it's a no from me, I'm afraid, as Simon Cowell would say.

Whereas from a psychological point of view, one of the things that people really struggle with if they've been ghosted is the lack of closure.

So actually just sending a message, even if it is just a very quick, you know, this isn't going to work.

Don't want to see you again.

However, it would be phrased.

That gives somebody closure, even if it hurts.

Rejection isn't nice.

We know that.

Nobody likes being rejected.

Rejection is fucking painful.

So I guess that leads us to the question, why do I keep getting ghosted? And actually, we want to just flip that a little bit and think about why is it that people ghost in general? Because truthfully, you're probably not the problem, right? People that are getting ghosted, you might feel like it's really, really painful and absolutely it probably is.

But you might start internalizing that and thinking that I'm the problem.

I'm the reason that this person doesn't have anything to do with me again.

But the truth is, it's a very common experience, albeit not a nice one.

And often it's not actually to do with you as a person.

There could be things about you that the other person didn't like or didn't quite click with.

And that could be part of the reason that they've ghosted you, but it's less to do about you and more to do with the other person not knowing how to manage those uncomfortable feelings i hope that i hope that kind of makes a little bit of sense there so there could be things about you there yeah there could be things about you that are problematic or that are not great and that you as a couple are not gonna you know go forwards but it's usually to do with the other person not knowing how to just be an adult talk about it like come on let me just tell you it's been nice to meet you but for whatever reason we don't click

Basically, anyone who ghosts, including myself, I'm included in this, we're all cowards.

We're all absolute wimps.

And it is genuinely because, so like other times, you know, I've just not wanted to tell the person because I'm a wimp.

And so I'll just delete the app or I'll just not message again.

And that is exactly the same for other people.

Because realistically, ghosting is just not ending that conversation, not having the communication there.

if you decide actually this person has really pissed you off on this date and you don't like them or they've said like a racist joke and you don't find it funny and they don't align with your values it's the person that's ghosting that's still the problem because they've not told you that that's the reason why they don't want to see you again and for some people it doesn't have to be that deep you know some people get really upset if someone's ghosted and someone will say you know you only had one date they don't owe you anything which is technically true but just to be a decent human all it needs to take is it was great to see you I don't want to have a second date Equally, I say that and I know for a while that I wouldn't do that.

I would just ghost.

If they haven't heard from me in three days, it's a no from me, I'm afraid, as Simon Cowell would say.

Whereas from a psychological point of view, one of the things that people really struggle with if they've been ghosted is the lack of closure.

So actually just sending a message, even if it is just a very quick, you know, this isn't going to work.

Don't want to see you again.

However, it would be phrased.

That gives somebody closure, even if it hurts.

Rejection isn't nice.

We know that.

Nobody likes being rejected.

Rejection is fucking painful.