May 27, 2026 · 31 min · 14 segments
Today, we're talking about male bystanders. Why is it that when a CNN investigation exposes an online rape academy with 62 million monthly visits, the loudest response from men isn't outrage, it's…
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Andrew BernardGuestJasHost
Jen DobbieHostCarly PelhamHost
After a kind of theater s- thing at school, I was about 17, and it was about four of us lads, and there were five girls that had come across from the high school.
They'd done, like, modern Shakespeare, and they were, they were talking about relationships and stuff.
So, um, we had a bit of an argument about what it meant, and the girls went away and I went, "Oh, that Julia, she's a right C word." And I used the four-letter C word.
And it kind of, everyone kind of just went quiet for a moment, and then we chatted a little bit more, and a couple of lads went off.
And he went, "Bern, can I just stop you for a minute?" I said, "Yeah, sure." And he said, "What you just said about Julia is so out of order." And I said, "What? It's just a word." And he went, "No, no.
... "Do you know what? Even though we were really good friends, he was still able to go, 'This is the line in the sand I don't want you to cross.'" And he's basically saying, "You're better than that." That was a really important turning point for me, just that realization that when people call you in and they...
He coulda just said, "That's really out of order," in front of everybody else, but he didn't.
He waited until they'd gone, and it was just me and him, and he called me in.
And which I think calling in is so much better than calling out, 'cause calling out involves humiliation and embarrassment and shame, and no one ever learns.
That kind of idea of, "Mate, you know, w- we're better than this." So I will do it now if, if people tell really horrible jokes.
I'll say, "Well, come on, mate." I will actually afterwards say, "I really w- I'm uncomfortable with that."
And thank you for telling us, 'cause it's so important that we're able to take things like that to the listeners.
After a kind of theater s- thing at school, I was about 17, and it was about four of us lads, and there were five girls that had come across from the high school.
They'd done, like, modern Shakespeare, and they were, they were talking about relationships and stuff.
So, um, we had a bit of an argument about what it meant, and the girls went away and I went, "Oh, that Julia, she's a right C word." And I used the four-letter C word.
And it kind of, everyone kind of just went quiet for a moment, and then we chatted a little bit more, and a couple of lads went off.
And he went, "Bern, can I just stop you for a minute?" I said, "Yeah, sure." And he said, "What you just said about Julia is so out of order." And I said, "What? It's just a word." And he went, "No, no.
... "Do you know what? Even though we were really good friends, he was still able to go, 'This is the line in the sand I don't want you to cross.'" And he's basically saying, "You're better than that." That was a really important turning point for me, just that realization that when people call you in and they...
He coulda just said, "That's really out of order," in front of everybody else, but he didn't.
He waited until they'd gone, and it was just me and him, and he called me in.
And which I think calling in is so much better than calling out, 'cause calling out involves humiliation and embarrassment and shame, and no one ever learns.
That kind of idea of, "Mate, you know, w- we're better than this." So I will do it now if, if people tell really horrible jokes.
I'll say, "Well, come on, mate." I will actually afterwards say, "I really w- I'm uncomfortable with that."
And thank you for telling us, 'cause it's so important that we're able to take things like that to the listeners.
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