Beyond Compatibility: What Makes Relationships Thrive - Ed Tomlinson

So let's talk about, let's switch gears a little bit and talk about that.

Are you familiar with the expression, the elephant in the room? Not really.

Probably not.

This is where there's an issue between us and we're both afraid to talk about it.

And a lot of people are going to want to know that are listening, how do I break the ice? Because you're afraid that if you bring it up, it's going to hurt the relationship or hurt you or him, whatever.

So the first thing I would suggest you do is I want you to write down all of the issues that you have with your other partner.

And I think once you write them down, most of them are going to go away, as you'll say, oh, that's not a big deal after all.

And only when you write them down will you be able to identify it.

So then let's pick the top one that is the problem between you and your fear, between you and your other significant other.

you find a time when it's safe to talk about it.

And you can open up by saying, you know, I'm really wondering about such and such.

And he or she will respond in a way that he will recognize we're about to talk about the issue.

And that just slowly opens the door.

If you just go in dramatically, that creates a little fear and a little discomfort.

So the key is to go in, or if you have two or three of them, start with a small one.

You know, I really wish you would do this or that.

You know, what I do is every 30 or 60 days, I say to my wife, How are we doing? And the first time she was shocked because she was afraid there was an issue.

And she then realized I was just checking on the relationship.

And that really opened the door for honesty and communication.

Another time when I did that, she said, I'd like you to take the trash out a little more often.

These are the little things that you can identify early on and work toward a better relationship.

I love those little habits that we are able to sustain because looking at it, that's actually people want to talk, but if the environment is not conducive for those kind of talks, it will never happen.

And that's one thing that makes people couples drift away

it is and if you're not doing if you're not paying attention to your partner every day the relationship will become routine and if it becomes routine it'll start to deteriorate so you've gotta you've gotta focus on each other I also want you to, I'll switch gears here in a moment.

I also want you to think about if you're anticipating intimacy, I want you to let them know well ahead of time because the anticipation is part of the whole journey.