The Truth Behind Self Abandonment

Well, you know, speaking of cycling, you know, and it wasn't just the dad issue, right? The biggest one was probably, like, my mom.

Like, that's who was present in my life.

And, you know, she had a terrible, terrible upbringing.

And you can see... like when they talk about generational trauma and how it keeps like how history repeats itself that it actually truly does like until someone gets the courage to to end like those cycles you know and i was like no this is going to end with me i hope to god that it does um i like to think that that i that i've broken it but uh You know, there, you know, was she like a perfect mom? No.

You know, and she knows that and I'm sure she beats herself up for it like every day.

And, you know, I have to offer her the grace because she also was just, you know, this young girl who had like an awful experience and never, you know, and you can see it in the past generations, like these kinds of conversations never happened.

you know and like they those generations they don't have an easy time talking about this kind of stuff and it's not something that I was ever taught either like growing up that you know yes and no I my grandmother was um kind of my you know my my person my saving grace she was she was just like such a lovely human being and not that my mom is not.

But you know, just that the childhood that I got to experience, you know, it wasn't ideal.

And You know, she also was struggling with her own things.

And a lot of our relationship felt like, you know, like I was the mom and she was the child.

And it's still kind of like that to this day.

And so, you know, I read this thing about being like a parentified daughter.

And, you know, I'm like, holy shit, that fits.

Like that totally tracks.

And that's where you get like the hyper independence and like not wanting to rely on people and like just so many things.

And I was like, wow.

And I think when you come face to face with some of those realities, that's kind of also where some of the healing can take place because you can now put words to things that you maybe didn't understand, you know, that you felt or that you experienced and, and yeah, I just,

yeah.

And thank you for bringing that up because I think, you know, we, we toss around the the term like cycle breaker and, you know, find yourself and all of these things, but you're like, how do you actually do that? And I think step one is becoming aware of it.

And then the more that we have these conversations, the more that we break down the stigma, the more that we can have these human to human react or interactions and see that humanity is within all of us that's how we heal that's how we grow from these things and it's not it's not we don't bring these things up to blame other people we bring it up because there needs to be awareness around it because if you don't talk about it nothing changes right like if you just keep on ignoring and it's just going to keep on happening

yep Yeah, and it becomes a lesson in acceptance as well, right? It's like, there's nothing that I can do to go back and change anything that's already happened.

That's absolutely not.

But going forward, can we have the conversations, like the hard conversations, and have some forgiveness and make peace with things that neither of us can go back and change? And how do we move forward from a better place? and you know as well as i do i mean everyone has their own version of forgiveness yeah mine is not necessarily like forgiving what's happened or and i'm not just talking about her i'm talking about you know anyone that where you've had something happen in your life with another person and like like my ex-husband for instance right like forgiveness isn't forgiving what they did to you, but it's, it's giving yourself the peace like that.

You're not holding onto that anger anymore because that that's just the way that it goes.

It just, it doesn't affect them.

Well, you know, speaking of cycling, you know, and it wasn't just the dad issue, right? The biggest one was probably, like, my mom.

Like, that's who was present in my life.

And, you know, she had a terrible, terrible upbringing.

And you can see... like when they talk about generational trauma and how it keeps like how history repeats itself that it actually truly does like until someone gets the courage to to end like those cycles you know and i was like no this is going to end with me i hope to god that it does um i like to think that that i that i've broken it but uh You know, there, you know, was she like a perfect mom? No.

You know, and she knows that and I'm sure she beats herself up for it like every day.

And, you know, I have to offer her the grace because she also was just, you know, this young girl who had like an awful experience and never, you know, and you can see it in the past generations, like these kinds of conversations never happened.

you know and like they those generations they don't have an easy time talking about this kind of stuff and it's not something that I was ever taught either like growing up that you know yes and no I my grandmother was um kind of my you know my my person my saving grace she was she was just like such a lovely human being and not that my mom is not.

But you know, just that the childhood that I got to experience, you know, it wasn't ideal.

And You know, she also was struggling with her own things.

And a lot of our relationship felt like, you know, like I was the mom and she was the child.

And it's still kind of like that to this day.

And so, you know, I read this thing about being like a parentified daughter.

And, you know, I'm like, holy shit, that fits.

Like that totally tracks.

And that's where you get like the hyper independence and like not wanting to rely on people and like just so many things.

And I was like, wow.

And I think when you come face to face with some of those realities, that's kind of also where some of the healing can take place because you can now put words to things that you maybe didn't understand, you know, that you felt or that you experienced and, and yeah, I just,

yeah.

And thank you for bringing that up because I think, you know, we, we toss around the the term like cycle breaker and, you know, find yourself and all of these things, but you're like, how do you actually do that? And I think step one is becoming aware of it.

And then the more that we have these conversations, the more that we break down the stigma, the more that we can have these human to human react or interactions and see that humanity is within all of us that's how we heal that's how we grow from these things and it's not it's not we don't bring these things up to blame other people we bring it up because there needs to be awareness around it because if you don't talk about it nothing changes right like if you just keep on ignoring and it's just going to keep on happening

yep Yeah, and it becomes a lesson in acceptance as well, right? It's like, there's nothing that I can do to go back and change anything that's already happened.

That's absolutely not.

But going forward, can we have the conversations, like the hard conversations, and have some forgiveness and make peace with things that neither of us can go back and change? And how do we move forward from a better place? and you know as well as i do i mean everyone has their own version of forgiveness yeah mine is not necessarily like forgiving what's happened or and i'm not just talking about her i'm talking about you know anyone that where you've had something happen in your life with another person and like like my ex-husband for instance right like forgiveness isn't forgiving what they did to you, but it's, it's giving yourself the peace like that.

You're not holding onto that anger anymore because that that's just the way that it goes.

It just, it doesn't affect them.