Divorcing a Narcissist: Coercive Control, Gaslighting & How to Protect Yourself with Kimberly Solo

What are some of the traits that you may see, I guess, like kind of sticking in the theme of somebody who's in a position of power in a job? I know we're really talking about divorce, but I'm just curious.

Yeah.

These are the people who don't like to be challenged.

We say that they're very thin-skinned.

So if we provide feedback for them, they seem to get really defensive really quickly.

And they twist things so they then act like they're the victim or that they were being attacked.

So we walk away feeling so confused.

I think confusion, they use a lot.

So they leave us really confused, questioning, did we say that? members saying that.

And they love to throw us off our game, right? So if they're our boss, they might schedule a meeting for Friday at noon and then change it at 1159 and say, actually, can you do 530 today? And say something like, I know I mentioned that I might need to change it to 530 and you're remembering it so differently.

So they throw us off our game.

Do you know what I mentioned ourselves a lot?

Yeah.

And is that throwing off the game where the term gaslighting comes into play? Or is that something different? Because I know that I hear gaslighting a lot and in the context of then it makes the person feel confused or a question their own sanity.

Nope.

That's a really good question.

So I think they use gaslighting to throw us off our game.

Because think about it.

If we are on less stable footing wondering, did he say 530 or not? Then we're a little unsure.

And anytime we're unsure and they come in really sure... puts them in a position of having more power and more certainty.

And so one of the ways they create that dynamic is by gaslighting us, which just really means creating a different reality, making us question our reality.

I read somewhere, and I agree to this so much, it's narcissistic people tell 10% of the truth.

And the rest is lies.

So they might say, no, I told you that it was a possibility we'll have a 5.30 meeting because I would be too busy.

They probably didn't say that, but they might have said, oh yeah, I'll see you at noon for our meeting, even though I do have a really busy day.