Unscripted Life Update: Coparenting, Un-Posturing, and Going Viral

But for me, it's like, what would it look like to throw out the script, throw out the identity that was handed, throw out the blueprint, throw out the shoulds? How can we find safety in the places that are not part of a condition that we were handed or taught? What does that look like? And so Interestingly enough, I recently, and by recently I mean like three days ago, had a very big realization about myself, about my way of being through some of the conditions of my life and how I respond to them and how I label them and the meaning I give them.

And I decided to hit record and share it.

And A big reason was because in that moment, I stepped into awareness that I felt very alone.

And while I would prefer to just step out my doorstep and be embraced by my village, I We don't really live like that anymore nowadays.

We don't really have that.

I have something close to that here, but not the way it once was, not the way it was the most aligned in our humanity.

What I mean by that is how I think it should be, how our natural way of being would be, should be.

where we are surrounded, supported, connected.

So instead of stepping out my doorstep and being embraced, which would have been lovely, I took to social media.

And so I'll backtrack a little bit to set the scene.

So if you follow me, you kind of already know what happened there.

So I, on Saturday, my son's dad picked him up and I have been aware that I get a little bit frozen.

Like I'm a little like, oh, I have all the space now.

It's usually like a little mini marathon for days on end.

And then it's this switch that happens where I'm like, okay.

Okay.

I'm feeling overwhelmed and I'm starting to shut down because I don't know which direction to go and I don't know what I should tend to first because there's just so much that goes on hold when it's the marathon, we'll call it.

I want to preface this by saying I am so grateful for my son.

I love my son.

I can't even believe I have to say this, by the way, and I'll get into why, but it's important for me to express that all of this is worth it, being a single parent, making the choice.

to be a single parent was worth it, weighing the pros and cons, and the health of my son and his future demanded that without going down that rabbit hole.

And big, big, bold, underline, italicize, and I recognized, like I was saying, I already know, I have a conscious understanding that I get a little bit paralyzed in those moments.

But what has been happening in the last few months is I will suddenly hit this wall.

It's not even hitting a wall.

That sounds like very... very light for what I experienced.