168. Why We Keep Choosing People Who Hurt Us, with Dr. Galit Atlas

Why do we keep ending up with people who hurt us, even when we swear it won't happen again? I sat down with Dr. Galit Atlas, renowned psychoanalyst, faculty member at NYU's Postdoctoral Program in Psychotherapy and Psychoanalysis and at Columbia University, and author of the international bestseller Emotional Inheritance, to talk about exactly that. Her new book, Come Closer: Childhood Wounds, Adult Love and the Secrets of Emotional Intimacy, releases the same day this episode airs. We get into Freud's concept of repetition compulsion, why the familiar so often gets mistaken for safety, and why changing a pattern can feel like losing your own identity. Dr. Atlas introduces the different "children" that live inside all of us (the frightened child, the guilty child, the invisible child, and more) and how giving each of them a seat at the table is the real path to change. We also talk about self-abandonment, what it actually means to hold two people in mind during conflict, and why over-functioning is so often a defense against vulnerability. This conversation is rich, honest, and full of the kind of insight that makes you see your own patterns differently. **Connect with Dr. Galit Atlas:** https://www.galitatlas.com/ https://www.instagram.com/galit\_atlas https://wildanalysiswithgalitatlas.substack.com/ Come Closer Book: https://www.galitatlas.com/home-1-1  **WORK WITH ME 1:1:** ❥Softening into self- 3 month 1:1 with Whats App Support: https://marina-yt.mykajabi.com/offers/PAWQhZHu ❥❥1:1 Coaching with me: https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSfWcZM5s9c2OjOLwoGMI5jE6rh\JAzjN2d\vCtuVe7e3pVGxw/viewform **DOWNLOAD FOR FREE:** - Stay or Go: 5 Clarity Questions to Reconnect with Your Inner Knowing: https://marinatriner.com/stay-or-go-guide - Attatchment Practice: Discover the actual blocks beneath the surface so you can actually have the deep intimacy you crave: https://marinatriner.com/attachment-practice - Connect & Ground: 10 Incredible Somatic Practices for Nervous System Regulation: https://marinatriner.com/connect-and-ground - Alive & Aligned: 7 Embodiment Practices For Self Connection: https://marinatriner.com/alive-and-aligned - Trigger to Rooted: A step by step process of working with your triggers: https://marinatriner.com/trigger-2-rooted **VIEW MY COURSES & RESOURCES:** https://marinatriner.com/resources  **CONNECT WITH  ME:** Follow me on Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/marinatriner/  Subscribe to YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/@marinatriner  **Top Episode Quotes:** "We go to the same place with the fantasy that not only is this time going to be different, this is going to repair everything that ever happened to us." - Dr. Galit Atlas "The familiar is not more safe than the stranger. It's more threatening, but it's not more dangerous." - Dr. Galit Atlas "When I change a pattern, I am not the same person. And what am I going to do without me?" - Dr. Galit Atlas "Why do you need permission to leave a place that is hurtful?" - Dr. Galit Atlas "Rigidity is what makes us fragile." - Dr. Galit Atlas repetition compulsion, relational patterns, why we choose the same partners, childhood trauma, self abandonment, inner child work, emotional inheritance, come closer book, psychoanalysis, attachment healing, vulnerability, self worth, deep within podcast, Dr Galit Atlas