Quickie w/ Julie: You're Not Too Much - You Might Just Be Dating The Wrong People

So I do think, like, you know, some of...

So I think the nuance really comes down here.

Here's an example.

Sometimes our anxiety really is ours to work on.

Like, if you need constant reassurance every single day, if you panic every time someone has a busy week, if you're expecting someone to regulate, like, every single one of your emotions, like, those are patterns on your own that are worth exploring.

But if you have an anxious moment, every need you have is unreasonable, or you feel like every need you have is unreasonable, that actually isn't the same thing.

Wanting consistency is not too much.

Wanting honesty is not too much.

Wanting someone to communicate isn't too much.

The question isn't, "Do I have needs?" The question is, "Are my needs compatible with what this person can realistically offer?" And it goes the other way too, that one thing we hear a lot is, like, when you finally do have a healthy relationship after years of not, is sometimes it can go to, "I don't even recognize myself.

Like, I'm not anxious.

I don't feel like I have all these unmet needs." And this isn't necessarily because you became, like, a brand-new person overnight, but you've stopped spending so much energy trying to interpret all these mixed signals.

And, you know, when you do have a secure relationship, it can get rid of the security.

So again, this is...

And not to say that a relationship will save you, but also there's a balance of, like, when you're in the right relationship, you might not feel some of the stuff that you once did.

So you s- Like, when I met my husband, I wasn't asking, like, "Does he like me?" All those, like, questions and thoughts were just not filtering, so I was able to just connect with him, be with him, and like I would any friend or anyone I met, like, I was able to create a bond because I wasn't, like, swirling with all these questions.

It was more about, like, "What are we doing this weekend?" Like, that is just such a different emotional experience.