Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care
Oct 3, 2026 · 14 min · 9 segments
Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks! What do you do when you discover that important foster placement information was withheld before you accepted a child…
So the question is, what do we do when we were blatantly lied to when accepting a foster placement? Unfortunately, we were lied to about behaviors that we explicitly stated we could not handle.
And this child was apparently told to hide them, which she did for several months.
But once we got her full file after adoption finalization, we found out that they had been reported by multiple foster homes and were well-documented.
You believe that you clearly explained the behaviors that you were not prepared to handle, and I can see how it must feel to learn after the adoption was finalized that those same behaviors were reported and documented in your child's file.
No child should believe that being honest about what is hard should cost them another family.
First is the truth that your family did not receive the information that could have helped you prepare well for this child.
She was told to hide certain challenging behaviors, and hiding might have become her way of surviving, thinking, if they see all of me, they might make me move again.
information and answers from the agency, but it's really important that your child stay separate from any of the anger or stress or frustration that may come when you try to seek accountability from the agency.
The more important thing that I'd like to focus the rest of this conversation on is the what now part of your question that I think deserves our attention.
So the question is, what do we do when we were blatantly lied to when accepting a foster placement? Unfortunately, we were lied to about behaviors that we explicitly stated we could not handle.
And this child was apparently told to hide them, which she did for several months.
But once we got her full file after adoption finalization, we found out that they had been reported by multiple foster homes and were well-documented.
You believe that you clearly explained the behaviors that you were not prepared to handle, and I can see how it must feel to learn after the adoption was finalized that those same behaviors were reported and documented in your child's file.
No child should believe that being honest about what is hard should cost them another family.
First is the truth that your family did not receive the information that could have helped you prepare well for this child.
She was told to hide certain challenging behaviors, and hiding might have become her way of surviving, thinking, if they see all of me, they might make me move again.
information and answers from the agency, but it's really important that your child stay separate from any of the anger or stress or frustration that may come when you try to seek accountability from the agency.
The more important thing that I'd like to focus the rest of this conversation on is the what now part of your question that I think deserves our attention.
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