Creating a Family: Talk about Adoption, Foster & Kinship Care
Sep 19, 2026 · 11 min · 7 segments
Drop us some Fan Mail. Thanks! What should you do when a birth mother doesn’t want contact in open adoption, but other birth family members still…
So first, let's try and remember that his birth mother and his birth grandmother may be on very different emotional timetables.
A grandparent may feel ready for contact, while a birth parent may still be processing grief loss, shame, trauma, and other circumstances that make visiting difficult.
When your son asks to see his birth mom, you can answer honestly without guessing or blaming or making promises by saying something like, I know you really wanna see your birth mom.
This is a way of telling him the truth and separating his worth or his sense of his worth from her availability.
It also gives him permission to keep loving and missing and wondering about her.
Children need to know that difficult feelings like disappointment or sadness are as welcome as their happier feelings are.
So you could say something like, it makes sense that you feel really sad right now.
You don't have to fix his feelings and sitting with him will communicate that he is not alone and that his questions are not too much for you.
So first, let's try and remember that his birth mother and his birth grandmother may be on very different emotional timetables.
A grandparent may feel ready for contact, while a birth parent may still be processing grief loss, shame, trauma, and other circumstances that make visiting difficult.
When your son asks to see his birth mom, you can answer honestly without guessing or blaming or making promises by saying something like, I know you really wanna see your birth mom.
This is a way of telling him the truth and separating his worth or his sense of his worth from her availability.
It also gives him permission to keep loving and missing and wondering about her.
Children need to know that difficult feelings like disappointment or sadness are as welcome as their happier feelings are.
So you could say something like, it makes sense that you feel really sad right now.
You don't have to fix his feelings and sitting with him will communicate that he is not alone and that his questions are not too much for you.
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