Excuse Me, Self, I Wasn’t Done Choosing

Last week, we took a little peek under the hood of your brain and explored some of the neuroscience behind what happens when you start doing things differently.

We talked about how your brain gets really efficient at the thoughts, reactions, and behaviors you've practiced over and over again.

I compared those familiar patterns to a nice, smooth road you've traveled so many times you barely have to think about where you're going.

But when you start doing things differently, it's more like taking a new route that's under construction.

Suddenly, there are orange barrels, detour signs, potholes, and it requires a lot more attention and effort because you haven't traveled that road nearly as much.

Meanwhile, your brain is wondering who the hell authorized this roadwork in the first place.

But as we learned last week, the more often you take that new route, the more familiar it becomes.

Which brings us to today's question: What happens when you've decided to take the new route, but suddenly discover you're halfway down that old road again? Now, obviously, we're not talking about driving, but it's a pretty good example of what happens when we're trying to change those old, familiar ways of doing things.

Maybe you snap at somebody or say yes when you really wanted to say no.

Maybe you get defensive, shut down, or jump to a conclusion before you've heard the whole story.

Then later on, you realize what you've done and think, "Damn it, I did it again." And then comes the emotional fallout: frustration, maybe a little guilt, or maybe disappointment in yourself because you know you don't wanna keep doing that.

You've recognized the pattern, you've questioned the belief behind it, yet when the moment arrived, your brain took the familiar exit before you even realized you'd passed the turnoff for the new one.

So what's going on? Well, my friends, that's what we're gonna get into today, because repeating an old behavior doesn't necessarily mean you still agree with it, and it certainly doesn't mean nothing has changed.

I think one of the biggest misconceptions people have when they start making changes is that the whole process is supposed to go something like this: Notice the behavior, decide to change it, poof, problem solved.

Man, wouldn't that be nice? Unfortunately, that's not usually how it works.

Remember what we talked about last week.

Your brain has been practicing some of these responses for years.

They're familiar, they're efficient, and just because you've decided you want to do something differently doesn't mean your brain suddenly forgets how to do things the old way, and that's where it gets frustrating.

You may know exactly how you'd like to respond and still find yourself doing the same damn thing.

Welcome to being human, my friends, and like it or not, humans will human.

And here's something I want you to understand because it might just change how you look at your progress, and that is noticing afterward is the beginning of noticing beforehand.

Let that sink in for a moment.

Noticing afterward is the beginning of noticing beforehand.

Now, what do I mean by that? Maybe right now you don't recognize what happened until later.

The situation's over, the moment has passed, and then you realize you reacted in the same old way.