Healing Trauma Bonds
Sep 7, 2026 · 30 min · 12 segments
Dr. Laura Copley believes that at the core of most toxic relationships is a painful trauma wound desperate to be healed. She contends that…
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Laura CopleyGuestJoan HermanHost
Sep 7, 2026 · 30 min · 12 segments
Dr. Laura Copley believes that at the core of most toxic relationships is a painful trauma wound desperate to be healed. She contends that…
Laura CopleyGuestJoan HermanHost
Yeah, so there's several different definitions that are out there, and I come from a little bit of a different perspective on a trauma bond.
So I think the major influence of what we're hearing trauma bonds are is this highly abusive dynamic that is between a perpetrator and a victim, an abuser and a victim, and that is 100% absolutely relevant, that exists, And I want those individuals to really get the help that they need.
Because what I'm finding with my clients is they're bringing in this, they're bringing in that definition to label all of their relationships.
So they're using these words like trauma bonds and toxic relationships and narcissism and that sort of thing.
to label what is going on with them and upon deeper, a deeper dive into their relationship.
Something that I'm finding is they are bonded through trauma, but in a way where their own traumatic histories, their own attachment wounds are showing up in their relationships and they're repeating the cycle of attachment trauma.
in their relationships and they are actually triggering each other to go into these traumatic responses and i think that that is more of this mild to moderate variation of what trauma bonds are as well when we in our own history and our own origin story are replicating what we have known in these painful and fearful kind of ways and then therefore triggering our partner and it's creating this cycle of dysfunction.
And I think that also needs to be thought of when it comes to what a trauma bond is as well.
So how would a past trauma present in a person's daily life? All the things that you just described, would they present in a similar manner? So I think
there's a similar pattern that happens of triggering each other, but it can look very different.
So for example, Let's just say that there is a there is an adult who grew up in an environment where their job was to be seen and not be seen and not heard.
So whenever there's conflict in a relationship, which happens in every relationship, including the healthiest ones, when they perceive conflict in their body, they will get this warning signal, oh, no, I need to shut down.
Yeah, so there's several different definitions that are out there, and I come from a little bit of a different perspective on a trauma bond.
So I think the major influence of what we're hearing trauma bonds are is this highly abusive dynamic that is between a perpetrator and a victim, an abuser and a victim, and that is 100% absolutely relevant, that exists, And I want those individuals to really get the help that they need.
Because what I'm finding with my clients is they're bringing in this, they're bringing in that definition to label all of their relationships.
So they're using these words like trauma bonds and toxic relationships and narcissism and that sort of thing.
to label what is going on with them and upon deeper, a deeper dive into their relationship.
Something that I'm finding is they are bonded through trauma, but in a way where their own traumatic histories, their own attachment wounds are showing up in their relationships and they're repeating the cycle of attachment trauma.
in their relationships and they are actually triggering each other to go into these traumatic responses and i think that that is more of this mild to moderate variation of what trauma bonds are as well when we in our own history and our own origin story are replicating what we have known in these painful and fearful kind of ways and then therefore triggering our partner and it's creating this cycle of dysfunction.
And I think that also needs to be thought of when it comes to what a trauma bond is as well.
So how would a past trauma present in a person's daily life? All the things that you just described, would they present in a similar manner? So I think
there's a similar pattern that happens of triggering each other, but it can look very different.
So for example, Let's just say that there is a there is an adult who grew up in an environment where their job was to be seen and not be seen and not heard.
So whenever there's conflict in a relationship, which happens in every relationship, including the healthiest ones, when they perceive conflict in their body, they will get this warning signal, oh, no, I need to shut down.
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