It's not about his Recovery Plan, a Life-altering Boundaries Mind Shift with Pam Blizzard

And that's really where the seed of this podcast was planted.

So I'm a member of that group and here's what happened.

I asked a question in the group about a difference of opinion between my husband and me about his recovery plan.

And then I discovered that the group moderators declined my question and I reached out directly to you, Pam, to find out what happened.

And you graciously sent me a private message about that.

And I've written down here what you said.

I'm going to read it verbatim.

You said, we don't just discuss their recovery here because we have no responsibility over it, no ownership for it.

It's theirs to figure out.

It's very disempowering to discuss something we have no power over.

It's our responsibility to have boundaries around the fruits of recovery first and foremost.

We get to have boundaries around whether or not we will be with someone who isn't doing recovery work at all.

But it's a slippery slope to get into the weeds about the particulars.

That being said, I get to have boundaries around this behavior in my marriage regardless of where he is or isn't in a recovery plan.

If he says, oh, but that's okay for me to do because it's in my recovery plan as okay, I get to say, I didn't give a rip about your recovery plan.

XYZ behavior is unsafe for me and if you choose to XYZ, I will not be available for intimate relationship.

And hopefully then he puts the X, Y, Z behavior in the no-go zone.

If he doesn't, that's the cold, hard data for her to inform how she keeps herself safe.

She's the authority, not his recovery plan.

That was a badass reply.

I'm just going to say, Pam, you sent that to me and I went, whoa, that was so assertive and clear and it was thought provoking for me to think about.

And so because of that, I asked you to discuss it with me on the podcast and you agreed.

So thank you.

Oh,

sure, sure.