From Self-Abandonment to Self-Trust with Amy Graziano

And That makes so much sense in the context of a situation where there was not integrity and where there were damaging untold secrets.

Yeah.

So today we really want to focus on this topic of self-abandonment.

And what does it look like to begin to show up for ourselves, to begin to see that our priority is to actually be there for our own needs and grow in our connection to ourself and what that looks like? And Amy and I have been talking a bit about this topic of self-abandonment and some of the really solid, practical ways that we can begin to connect with our own needs, find our voice and develop that self-trust that is so important to feeling whole and settled and happy again.

Amy, how would you describe what the journey looks like from that perspective?

Yeah, so it really looks like a shift, like you said, Jane, from self-abandonment to self-trust.

And I found that it was really about the process of slowing down and sitting with the discomfort and the reality and getting grounded enough to be able to listen to my body and my intuition.

So when you're using the term self-abandonment, can you describe a little bit for us? What does that look like?

Yeah.

For me, I think It was rooted in being a chronic people pleaser.

I tend to defer to others for everything because it felt safer than having my own needs.

And some examples I could give you would be that if there was a potential conflict or disconnection, I would just shut down and keep in my thoughts and my feelings instead of standing up for myself.

And back to your reference about my sweatshirt, I would always act like I was fine, even when I wasn't.

And I would say that I was fine, even when I wasn't.

And I didn't, ever reach out for help.

And I think, sadly, I didn't really realize that there was help for some of the things that I was struggling with.

I also had difficulties making decisions, simple decisions.

Where do I want to go to eat dinner? What do I want to have for dinner? Or even, and I've heard this from other partners too, like, what is my favorite color? You know, over time, I kind of disconnected from what do I really like? And what songs do I like? I think it was, it became too painful to feel my own feelings So I just stuffed everything down and just tried to soldier on.

Yeah.

What I'm hearing you say is that self-abandonment looks like a lack of self-connection, a lack of connection between your inner reality and your outer reality, where your inner reality is feeling uncertain or nervous.

Maybe there are fears or sadness or anger down there, but your outer reality looks like, I'm fine.

I'm just getting on with it.

I'm making it work.

I'm going to make all these people happy.

And also looks like a disconnection between what are my actual needs and what do I actually want? So not really knowing my own, myself in that space.

And That makes so much sense in the context of a situation where there was not integrity and where there were damaging untold secrets.

Yeah.

So today we really want to focus on this topic of self-abandonment.

And what does it look like to begin to show up for ourselves, to begin to see that our priority is to actually be there for our own needs and grow in our connection to ourself and what that looks like? And Amy and I have been talking a bit about this topic of self-abandonment and some of the really solid, practical ways that we can begin to connect with our own needs, find our voice and develop that self-trust that is so important to feeling whole and settled and happy again.

Amy, how would you describe what the journey looks like from that perspective?

Yeah, so it really looks like a shift, like you said, Jane, from self-abandonment to self-trust.

And I found that it was really about the process of slowing down and sitting with the discomfort and the reality and getting grounded enough to be able to listen to my body and my intuition.

So when you're using the term self-abandonment, can you describe a little bit for us? What does that look like?

Yeah.

For me, I think It was rooted in being a chronic people pleaser.

I tend to defer to others for everything because it felt safer than having my own needs.

And some examples I could give you would be that if there was a potential conflict or disconnection, I would just shut down and keep in my thoughts and my feelings instead of standing up for myself.

And back to your reference about my sweatshirt, I would always act like I was fine, even when I wasn't.

And I would say that I was fine, even when I wasn't.

And I didn't, ever reach out for help.

And I think, sadly, I didn't really realize that there was help for some of the things that I was struggling with.

I also had difficulties making decisions, simple decisions.

Where do I want to go to eat dinner? What do I want to have for dinner? Or even, and I've heard this from other partners too, like, what is my favorite color? You know, over time, I kind of disconnected from what do I really like? And what songs do I like? I think it was, it became too painful to feel my own feelings So I just stuffed everything down and just tried to soldier on.

Yeah.

What I'm hearing you say is that self-abandonment looks like a lack of self-connection, a lack of connection between your inner reality and your outer reality, where your inner reality is feeling uncertain or nervous.

Maybe there are fears or sadness or anger down there, but your outer reality looks like, I'm fine.

I'm just getting on with it.

I'm making it work.

I'm going to make all these people happy.

And also looks like a disconnection between what are my actual needs and what do I actually want? So not really knowing my own, myself in that space.