Long Story Made Longer

John? Yeah, Anna, what's up? I'm doing it.

This is finally the year I do it.

I'm going to...

You're going to stop being a virgin? I'm going to, no, not yet.

I'm going to

commit to being healthy.

I'm going to commit to being healthy.

Oh, are you going to go outside and eat more greens? I'm going to go

outside and eat my greens.

I'm going to go outside and eat more greens.

That's exactly right, John.

I'm going to start doing that.

Right now? Right now.

Yeah, right this second.

Hold on, I'm just

getting a text message

right now.

Hold on.

Oh,

it's... several doctors

it's all the doctors

several doctors several doctors saying don't dear god no oh and there's rfk and he says good job uh

he says he says do whatever you want

yeah go go jump it go jump in the pool and

Eat a bunch of lettuce, I guess.

Well, you want to eat a bunch of Taco Bell and then go jump into a public swimming pool? Yeah, let's go.

Let's go.

Let's go.

Have I told you that that's like one of my favorite facts is that in general, diarrhea cases rise exponentially in the summer because you can spread it through the pool because chlorine doesn't kill the germs that give you

diarrhea.

That makes sense.

And you always get pool water in an orifice.

Oh, yeah.

And you always swallow.

You always swallow a little bit.

There's no.

You always swallow

just a little.

You know.

A little

bit gets on your lips.

It gets on your lips.

I mean, I just like the chlorine taste.

I feel like my tummy needs a little bit of chlorination.

Just a little bit.

Just a little bit.

When I was a

kid.

When I was.

This is real.

When I was a kid.

This is so fucking.

This is so sad.

And

everyone, I need you to know I was a dumb kid.

I was a very dumb kid.

I would on

purpose just go under the water and then go like, whoa, and just like let the water go in and out of my mouth and like swish it and spit it.

And it was a public pool.

Granted, it was a slightly upscale public.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Um, but, but it was still just me and a bunch of the other kids that were going to that pool.

Just, I can't believe Joe Biden was your

lifeguard for that.

Yeah.

Oh, fuck.