The Bullshit Crust keeping you small

So I've been sitting with this and thinking quite a bit about my experience versus my brain and realized that There's been this film of delusion that's been cast over my entire life.

This experiential, behavioral, cognitive wall of unreality.

It's sort of this shroud or like a pain or maybe even a thick petroleum jelly that's just spread over everything around me.

There's almost like a thin, but really, actually, it's quite thick jelly.

moving layer.

And that is what I interact with instead of integrating the true enormity and fear of being alive.

The very nature of existence.

Okay, that's confusing, so here's what I really mean.

The awareness of the nature existence might be like death or The fact that we're all here for a limited time.

What actually brings you joy? The crushing highs and lows of selfless, authentic love.

Maybe even meaning, purpose.

These things that are so far outside of what we can engage with every day that we just... don't.

Instead, I live through this medium in between that blocks out all of those enormous concepts and is generally kind of filled with the to-dos.

Work, smoking, drinking, TV, phoning, eating, expected roles in relationships.

All of these things that, again, create this kind of diluted layer that I focus upon and engage with day to day in mundane reality.

Now, to reference back to something that I talked about years ago, we might call this the bullshit crust.

It's protective because this awareness of the nature of existence feels so big, but if you just live through the crust, it leads to having a wasted life, to living in fog.

It feels like interacting with frosted glass instead of seeing clearly what's on the other side.

And that pain, again, is cast over all of life.

I'm also thinking that the more that you interact with this crust, the thicker it becomes, the more variables are linked in with it, and the less and less you're able to think about what lies OTC, outside the crust.

So for me, I'm realizing each unnecessary snack, smoke, screen time is engaging with the crust.

So is work that feels like work because I've been trained to believe that it is the right kind of work.

You know, sitting down, being miserable, applying only my brain to things.

These are things that I do again and again as choices that I'm making to ignore universal reality.

in preference for interacting with or in honor of this sort of human reality and or this chosen personal reality.