Choosing Chaos: Solo Motherhood by Choice
Sep 14, 2026 · 59 min · 10 segments
Send us Fan Mail On this week's episode, Alicia shares her journey through motherhood by choice, navigating the toddler and preschool years, career…
No, I had, I had anxiety before having Ellie, and one of the cool things about pregnancy and doing IVF was the progesterone that you do shots for 12 weeks really mellowed me out.
Like, I was like-
That's good
... "Let's take a nap.
I'm good." And so I kind of experienced, uh, interestingly enough, after the anxiety of trying to get pregnant, is when I was pregnant, I was like, "Huh." And it, and mind you, this was during a pandemic, great time to not have anxiety because of the world around me.
Right.
[laughs]
Um, and you know, and I had friends who were pregnant a couple months before me where the pandemic was, like, at its point, and they had a very different experience, like-
Yes
... literally in months.
And, uh, so with not being on medication again and wanting to do everything right the right way-
Mm-hmm
... after I had her, and once that adrenaline rush came off, I had the Zoloft sitting there.
And I felt like, oh, well, that, that might not be in her best interest, even though the doctor said it was okay.
And I kept pushing it off, and it got to the point where because of what I should do or how I should do things and put her down drowsy but awake and not answer every cry and only feed during these hou- You know, it's like following all these rules and this noise And do I take the medication? And it got to the point where luckily I had this village that, of my friends who were like, "You're not okay right now.
We, we need to sit." And-
Yeah
... that was a saving point, and I think that's again why this trial hit is like that village that wasn't there for her.
I'm very lucky, um-
Yeah
... it's that, that noise around it.
But then I was also going about my day to get my hair done.
I remember having my breakdown at my hairstylist, my first time like doing my hair afterwards, calling my psychiatrist, doing this, living my day answering an email, and that's where, you know, I never thought about postpartum psychosis, but it's so interesting the way they're talking about it.
Mm-hmm.
I was living a very normal life.
No, I had, I had anxiety before having Ellie, and one of the cool things about pregnancy and doing IVF was the progesterone that you do shots for 12 weeks really mellowed me out.
Like, I was like-
That's good
... "Let's take a nap.
I'm good." And so I kind of experienced, uh, interestingly enough, after the anxiety of trying to get pregnant, is when I was pregnant, I was like, "Huh." And it, and mind you, this was during a pandemic, great time to not have anxiety because of the world around me.
Right.
[laughs]
Um, and you know, and I had friends who were pregnant a couple months before me where the pandemic was, like, at its point, and they had a very different experience, like-
Yes
... literally in months.
And, uh, so with not being on medication again and wanting to do everything right the right way-
Mm-hmm
... after I had her, and once that adrenaline rush came off, I had the Zoloft sitting there.
And I felt like, oh, well, that, that might not be in her best interest, even though the doctor said it was okay.
And I kept pushing it off, and it got to the point where because of what I should do or how I should do things and put her down drowsy but awake and not answer every cry and only feed during these hou- You know, it's like following all these rules and this noise And do I take the medication? And it got to the point where luckily I had this village that, of my friends who were like, "You're not okay right now.
We, we need to sit." And-
Yeah
... that was a saving point, and I think that's again why this trial hit is like that village that wasn't there for her.
I'm very lucky, um-
Yeah
... it's that, that noise around it.
But then I was also going about my day to get my hair done.
I remember having my breakdown at my hairstylist, my first time like doing my hair afterwards, calling my psychiatrist, doing this, living my day answering an email, and that's where, you know, I never thought about postpartum psychosis, but it's so interesting the way they're talking about it.
Mm-hmm.
I was living a very normal life.
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3 of 13
A Second Child Surprise
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When Postpartum Struggles Look Normal
Many mothers appear fine while silently spiraling
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7 of 25
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You Raise Them to Let Them Go — Emotionally Focused Family Therapist Rachel Thomas on Parenting Through Every StageCompassionate Heart ParentingThe rest of this transcript — segmented and speaker-labeled, so you land on the exact moment something was said
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