Noam & The Hopeful Bunny

So let's switch gears into like the mental load of solo motherhood.

We are often seen as carrying it all.

That's one of the realities that no other parents can automatically share that responsibility with us.

And sometimes people just don't understand it too, is what parts of everyday life can feel the heaviest.

So for you, what are some of those parts of your day that feel the heaviest because you're ultimately the only one responsible for for your son's care

for me it's the um you can't tap out when you want to tap out i think that's the main basic thing i want to tap out sometimes just be like hey x random human your turn at the same time The privilege of being a solo mother is I get to, or solo parent, because there are solo dads I know, being a solo parent is I get to decide what the boundaries are, what the limits are, and there is freedom in that.

But in having that freedom, the responsibility of just being ever-present and not being able to tap out is is exhausting i i want to disappear to the bathroom and shut the door but he'll follow me in there even though i'll be like the door is shut that means mummy needs some space And, you know, I work on that.

And then he goes around going, I need space, I need space.

And I'm like, great, I'll give you space.

You know, if that's something I can teach you, but then you have to

respect my space.

Right.

Because I don't lose my temper frequently, if ever, but I want to.

I want to.

The internal... kind of grind of oh

god I just

wish I could

just leave the room and scream is is huge sometimes how do you manage to work through those moments where you're just biting your tongue and you want to scream but you can't scream how do you how do you find yourself regulating through that

I tell myself, don't be your mother.

Do it differently.

When I find myself doing things or just having the reaction of, oh, I'm so, and it's like, nope, nope, you're being your mother.

I don't want to be like my mother.

I want to be more present.

I want, my mother's dead so I can say what I want.

I want to be, I want to be more present.