The Most Asked Question In BDSM: May I Have This Dance

So you've been texting, voice messaging, doing your vetting and you've decided you want to either ask them to dance, which means perhaps asking them for coffee, or they've asked you if you'd like to dance with a cup of coffee at your favorite coffee shop.

So before you rush out to meet them, hopefully part of your vetting has sort of done the verify that they are who they say they are.

You know, you check their photos using like a reverse image search.

So you know that they're not, you know, sort of blasting you with images from Shutterstock or something of some random person.

And that they're consistent across all their social media and their stories holding together.

And yeah.

One thing I highly recommend, even if you do, say, live around the corner from each other, do a little video chatting first before you commit to that first cup of coffee or beverage of your choice.

Because you can learn a lot about a person when you see them, you watch their nonverbals, why they communicate.

Video chats are a great way to do all of that before actually committing to Yes, I would like to have a beverage with you and see how we interact in person.

Also, just remember the risk.

I mean, obviously there's the horrible risk that comes whenever we meet a stranger.

I guess that's why we teach kids stranger danger.

But also remember that kink involvement can impact our jobs, our family, perhaps child custody.

So, When it comes to that meeting, sort of have a conversation about discretion, you know, perhaps using real first names, not discussing your workplace or your private social media until a little bit more trust is established.

And also decide, you know, about photos and recordings.

Obviously, I wouldn't recommend recording a date.

That seems really creepy to me.

But there are some who I know have been asked for that.

And sometimes people want, hey, can take a picture for Instagram? Just, you know, have those sort of things thought about beforehand.

And something that's really important to talk about before you agree to meet, and that is an internal sort of frenzy check.

Are you really hungry? Are you lonely? Are you tired of being alone? Perhaps you're having a little bit of dom or sub frenzy where you're just sort of your mind is jonesing for that next kink test that you get.

You know, make sure you're meeting someone because you feel it's the right thing to do the right for you.

And it's not, you're not doing it just because you need or want something so desperately.

One of the common pieces of advice that people will share is that they recommend checking community references.

If they're involved in the local in-person community, do they have a list of references of people that know them, such as munch organizers, mutual friends, those types of things.