Attention Keeps Love Alive
Long-term relationships may replace presence with belief.
Aug 17, 2026 · 0 min · 10 segments
Dan and I look at the difference between believing you love your partner — a largely thought-based state– and the active, alive, energetic state of being ‘in love’ with your partner. We discuss being…
So, we might say like believing that you love the person you're with, even feeling that you love, have love for the person that you're with, versus this kind of what we'll talk about is what feels like this more active, alive state of being in love.
So I think it's probably helpful to start off with, not that we know the definition of love or that there really even is one, but, but very helpful to speak around it a little bit, just so we know what we're, what we're talking about when we talk about love.
Yeah.
So I think one of the things we're looking at is believing.
These are like the keywords believing versus being, um, And so we're, I think, just in terms of the discussion, we're looking at defining, kind of separating out these two things.
There's a lot of overlap, I think, at the same time, I think, in reality.
Some of the things, some of the experiences that we have in the belief that we're in love and that sense that we have love in a relationship, and I've experienced this, I think you have too, Amy, is...
There's many really rich and sweet things and alive things about that around the belief system.
that you have a relationship with somebody where there's a lot of love present.
There's also, I think, what we notice is levels where it is belief, it's ideas about what relationships should be, what love should look like, how the other should, you know, judging how the other person should treat that love and things like that.
And I think that's what we're doing is trying to tease that out of this other experience that we see is much more alive, you know, where we're in love and we're engaged and it's very present experience.
So I think what we're putting out here is kind of a working definition for this discussion, not the end all of defining what love is.
So, we might say like believing that you love the person you're with, even feeling that you love, have love for the person that you're with, versus this kind of what we'll talk about is what feels like this more active, alive state of being in love.
So I think it's probably helpful to start off with, not that we know the definition of love or that there really even is one, but, but very helpful to speak around it a little bit, just so we know what we're, what we're talking about when we talk about love.
Yeah.
So I think one of the things we're looking at is believing.
These are like the keywords believing versus being, um, And so we're, I think, just in terms of the discussion, we're looking at defining, kind of separating out these two things.
There's a lot of overlap, I think, at the same time, I think, in reality.
Some of the things, some of the experiences that we have in the belief that we're in love and that sense that we have love in a relationship, and I've experienced this, I think you have too, Amy, is...
There's many really rich and sweet things and alive things about that around the belief system.
that you have a relationship with somebody where there's a lot of love present.
There's also, I think, what we notice is levels where it is belief, it's ideas about what relationships should be, what love should look like, how the other should, you know, judging how the other person should treat that love and things like that.
And I think that's what we're doing is trying to tease that out of this other experience that we see is much more alive, you know, where we're in love and we're engaged and it's very present experience.
So I think what we're putting out here is kind of a working definition for this discussion, not the end all of defining what love is.
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3 of 8
Attention Keeps Love Alive
Long-term relationships may replace presence with belief.
When Love Is Not Reciprocal
What happens when only one partner feels?
Love Can Become Concrete
Love can quietly harden into something less alive.
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