Jun 3, 2026 · 23 min · 9 segments
Cats aren't trying to control you—they're trying to feel safe. In this episode, Molly DeVoss breaks down how a cat's sense of control directly impacts their confidence, behavior, and relationship…
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And today we're gonna be digging into something that quietly drives almost every behavior you see in your cat, and, and honestly, I guess in us too, really.
And I'm gonna talk about control, not in a m- manipulative way, not in a your cat's trying to dominate you kind of way, 'cause that's not really how cats work.
I wanna talk about a sense of control, and this is huge, 'cause here's the truth: when you have a sense of control, that creates confidence, and when you have a lack of control, that creates insecurity.
And let's talk a little bit about why having a sense of control matters for, for both of us.
I always think it's a good idea to, to try to get in our cat's shoes, at least on the times that we can, through, you know, uh, commonalities we can make.
You know, think about times when things feel very predictable, when you know what's gonna come next, your environment is stable, and you feel calm.
Now, flip that around and imagine what happens if you've got a schedule that's constantly changing, or your people invade your space unexpectedly, or you don't understand the rules and you have no say in what happens around you.
So when a cat lacks a sense of control, you might see things like aggression towards you or other people in the house, or aggression towards other animals in the house, that you might see, you know, withdrawn behavior and hiding, or over-grooming, or they stop using the litter box.
Boy, what a great way to communicate, right? [laughs] They start scratching up your favorite furniture or your new chair.
Um, you know, they might start doing some really annoying attention-seeking behaviors, or even sometimes excessive vocalization.
They're coping strategies, right? Your cat is trying to create some kind of predictability or influence over their environment.
And it also kind of sounds like a teenager, doesn't it? [laughs] Now, one of the most fascinating ways that cats create control in their environment is through scent marking.
And today we're gonna be digging into something that quietly drives almost every behavior you see in your cat, and, and honestly, I guess in us too, really.
And I'm gonna talk about control, not in a m- manipulative way, not in a your cat's trying to dominate you kind of way, 'cause that's not really how cats work.
I wanna talk about a sense of control, and this is huge, 'cause here's the truth: when you have a sense of control, that creates confidence, and when you have a lack of control, that creates insecurity.
And let's talk a little bit about why having a sense of control matters for, for both of us.
I always think it's a good idea to, to try to get in our cat's shoes, at least on the times that we can, through, you know, uh, commonalities we can make.
You know, think about times when things feel very predictable, when you know what's gonna come next, your environment is stable, and you feel calm.
Now, flip that around and imagine what happens if you've got a schedule that's constantly changing, or your people invade your space unexpectedly, or you don't understand the rules and you have no say in what happens around you.
So when a cat lacks a sense of control, you might see things like aggression towards you or other people in the house, or aggression towards other animals in the house, that you might see, you know, withdrawn behavior and hiding, or over-grooming, or they stop using the litter box.
Boy, what a great way to communicate, right? [laughs] They start scratching up your favorite furniture or your new chair.
Um, you know, they might start doing some really annoying attention-seeking behaviors, or even sometimes excessive vocalization.
They're coping strategies, right? Your cat is trying to create some kind of predictability or influence over their environment.
And it also kind of sounds like a teenager, doesn't it? [laughs] Now, one of the most fascinating ways that cats create control in their environment is through scent marking.
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