Candid

To come in, wear its ugly face at you.

Says, dear Andy and Naa, please keep me anonymous.

I'm a 32-year-old young man who works and lives a fairly comfortable life.

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year and some months.

Although there's some distance between us because she lives in Accra while I live in the central region, I genuinely believed we had built a happy and meaningful relationship.

During our talking stage, there was rumors that my girlfriend had previously been intimate with a gentleman I knew from my university days.

Since I knew the person involved, I decided to ask her about it directly because I wanted to hear the truth from her rather than believe what people were saying.

Anyway, she strongly denied it.

She became very strong.

She became very angry and even wanted to confront the gentleman because she believed he was spreading false information about it.

I decided not to pursue the matter because I did not want to create unnecessary issues between the two of them.

and continue with the relationship.

About a year later, I reached a point where I seriously was considering marriage.

I had actually planned to propose to her the following week because in my head, she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Then I discovered something that completely shattered me.

I was with my male friends during a boys boys link up when the conversation somehow turned to relationships and women we knew.

During the conversation, I discovered that my girlfriend had allegedly been intimate with about three people in my own circle.

And you know, these things supposedly happened about six years ago, long before she and I met.

So I understand that she had a life before our relationship.

The problem for me is that these were not strangers.

They were people who she knew and they were people who were also my friends.

She eventually got to know that these men were friends during our talking stage.

So it has been difficult for me to understand why she never told me about it.

One of the men involved is even someone I consider very close to me.

He's a kind of friend that I would have considered for the role of a best man if I were getting married.

When I heard the conversation, I was completely shocked.

I felt embarrassed, betrayed and confused, especially because I was preparing to propose to this woman only days later.

The biggest problem is not necessarily that she had a sexual past.

I understand that people have lives and relationships before they met.

the people they eventually settle down with what hurts me most is that i had already asked her about one of these rumors during our talking stage and she strongly denied that anything had happened i therefore entered the relationship believing that i had been given an honest account of her past Eventually, I confronted her through a mutual friend, and she admitted that some of the things that I heard was true.

She became emotional and cried.

It has now been about three weeks, but I'm still struggling to process everything.

I keep replaying the conversation I had among the guys, and I keep thinking about the fact that some of the people involved are still part of my life.

I also keep thinking about the fact that I was preparing to propose to her just before I found out all of this.

Now I'm asking myself some very difficult questions.

If she had told me the truth when I asked about her past, would I still have chosen her? Is the real problem what happened six years ago or is it the fact that she denied it when I gave her the opportunity to be honest? Can I continue with this relationship knowing some of my close friends have history with this woman I intend to marry? More importantly, can I rebuild my trust in her or will I spend the rest of my life The rest of the relationship questioning everything she tells me.

For now, I have not proposed to her, but I have also not ended the relationship.

I genuinely love this woman, but I feel stuck and confused because I'm struggling to separate her past from the issues of trust in our relationship.

Andy and I, if you were my position, would you consider this a deal breaker or would you focus on the fact that what happened occurred about six years ago? Ladies and gentlemen, that's what we're talking about.

Share your thoughts to me.

To come in, wear its ugly face at you.

Says, dear Andy and Naa, please keep me anonymous.

I'm a 32-year-old young man who works and lives a fairly comfortable life.

I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for about a year and some months.

Although there's some distance between us because she lives in Accra while I live in the central region, I genuinely believed we had built a happy and meaningful relationship.

During our talking stage, there was rumors that my girlfriend had previously been intimate with a gentleman I knew from my university days.

Since I knew the person involved, I decided to ask her about it directly because I wanted to hear the truth from her rather than believe what people were saying.

Anyway, she strongly denied it.

She became very strong.

She became very angry and even wanted to confront the gentleman because she believed he was spreading false information about it.

I decided not to pursue the matter because I did not want to create unnecessary issues between the two of them.

and continue with the relationship.

About a year later, I reached a point where I seriously was considering marriage.

I had actually planned to propose to her the following week because in my head, she was the woman I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Then I discovered something that completely shattered me.

I was with my male friends during a boys boys link up when the conversation somehow turned to relationships and women we knew.

During the conversation, I discovered that my girlfriend had allegedly been intimate with about three people in my own circle.

And you know, these things supposedly happened about six years ago, long before she and I met.

So I understand that she had a life before our relationship.

The problem for me is that these were not strangers.

They were people who she knew and they were people who were also my friends.

She eventually got to know that these men were friends during our talking stage.

So it has been difficult for me to understand why she never told me about it.

One of the men involved is even someone I consider very close to me.

He's a kind of friend that I would have considered for the role of a best man if I were getting married.

When I heard the conversation, I was completely shocked.

I felt embarrassed, betrayed and confused, especially because I was preparing to propose to this woman only days later.

The biggest problem is not necessarily that she had a sexual past.

I understand that people have lives and relationships before they met.

the people they eventually settle down with what hurts me most is that i had already asked her about one of these rumors during our talking stage and she strongly denied that anything had happened i therefore entered the relationship believing that i had been given an honest account of her past Eventually, I confronted her through a mutual friend, and she admitted that some of the things that I heard was true.

She became emotional and cried.

It has now been about three weeks, but I'm still struggling to process everything.

I keep replaying the conversation I had among the guys, and I keep thinking about the fact that some of the people involved are still part of my life.

I also keep thinking about the fact that I was preparing to propose to her just before I found out all of this.

Now I'm asking myself some very difficult questions.

If she had told me the truth when I asked about her past, would I still have chosen her? Is the real problem what happened six years ago or is it the fact that she denied it when I gave her the opportunity to be honest? Can I continue with this relationship knowing some of my close friends have history with this woman I intend to marry? More importantly, can I rebuild my trust in her or will I spend the rest of my life The rest of the relationship questioning everything she tells me.

For now, I have not proposed to her, but I have also not ended the relationship.

I genuinely love this woman, but I feel stuck and confused because I'm struggling to separate her past from the issues of trust in our relationship.

Andy and I, if you were my position, would you consider this a deal breaker or would you focus on the fact that what happened occurred about six years ago? Ladies and gentlemen, that's what we're talking about.

Share your thoughts to me.