Sep 1, 2026 · 21 min · 8 segments
In this episode, I’m diving into the part of an identity transition that often gets overlooked and that I have been thinking a lot about lately: **the grief of the identity that once gave us purpose…
Courtney QuinnHost
Because so many women are in this identity crisis right now that I have been talking about and speaking to and that you're seeing and you're probably feeling, Something that I want to talk about today is parts that people don't necessarily warn you about when you are going through this identity crisis in any phase of life.
Like whether you are, you know, a new mom or you're a business owner and your business is changing or you're quitting your corporate job or you are growing in your corporate career or your business and like Maybe you are a mom of older kids and now you're empty nesting.
But the part that people forget and that we kind of don't get warned about when we are going through this identity crisis is the grief that we feel.
It's not even a part, like it is, but internally and subconsciously and in our body, it has been us this entire time.
So it really feels like we are grieving ourselves and like, the person that has built everything, the person that we thought we were, the person that we have been for 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, however old you are, years, right? It is truly a death of an identity that we have held on to, that we have built, that we have lived in for our entire life.
Because we have to grieve and let go of a version of us that we have probably only known.
It doesn't mean that that has been her like the version of us the entire time in our entire lives.
But It's probably the version of you that you have known, the version of you that has built a life that you love or a successful business or, you know, what you thought that you wanted and the career and it caught you.
things that maybe you did want or maybe that you thought you wanted, right? Or it created a level of safety or it created something for you.
But it is truly a death of a self that you have built for your entire life, right? Usually in a piece of survival mode, just because of the things that we go through in childhood and You don't have to have like big T trauma to have a nervous system or a coping mechanism that builds things as a high achieving woman through survival, through creating safety, through proving your worthiness and trying to be validated and seen through a level of doing and achieving.
And this death requires grieving, but no one really prepares you for the fact that you actually do need to grieve this part of you and that this is all going to come up.
Because, you know, the internet, we talk about like leveling up and becoming her and all of these like really sexy, fun terms like a glow up and everything.
And I think we put a lot of these things on like things like a breakup or a divorce or anything.
And you are going to level up and you are going to become her and you're going to create your own glow up in all of these different ways, whatever you're going through that is on the other side of that.
but these sexy terms kind of make us forget that there is a really freaking hard part that we have to go through do and it's really uncomfortable and it kind of makes you question things like is this how it's supposed to feel like I feel really uncomfortable I feel really scared like I don't want to do this or like I'm literally crying or I'm having a freak out on the floor right no one really talks about what you have to like bury or let go of or feel or process to get to that level up to become her to have this glow up whatever you want to feel on the other side of it right so If you have been feeling this identity crisis or you've been feeling foggy or stuck or maybe even like weirdly emotional about a decision for yourself that is, in quotations, supposed to feel exciting, this might be why.
Because so many women are in this identity crisis right now that I have been talking about and speaking to and that you're seeing and you're probably feeling, Something that I want to talk about today is parts that people don't necessarily warn you about when you are going through this identity crisis in any phase of life.
Like whether you are, you know, a new mom or you're a business owner and your business is changing or you're quitting your corporate job or you are growing in your corporate career or your business and like Maybe you are a mom of older kids and now you're empty nesting.
But the part that people forget and that we kind of don't get warned about when we are going through this identity crisis is the grief that we feel.
It's not even a part, like it is, but internally and subconsciously and in our body, it has been us this entire time.
So it really feels like we are grieving ourselves and like, the person that has built everything, the person that we thought we were, the person that we have been for 20, 30, 40, 50, 60, however old you are, years, right? It is truly a death of an identity that we have held on to, that we have built, that we have lived in for our entire life.
Because we have to grieve and let go of a version of us that we have probably only known.
It doesn't mean that that has been her like the version of us the entire time in our entire lives.
But It's probably the version of you that you have known, the version of you that has built a life that you love or a successful business or, you know, what you thought that you wanted and the career and it caught you.
things that maybe you did want or maybe that you thought you wanted, right? Or it created a level of safety or it created something for you.
But it is truly a death of a self that you have built for your entire life, right? Usually in a piece of survival mode, just because of the things that we go through in childhood and You don't have to have like big T trauma to have a nervous system or a coping mechanism that builds things as a high achieving woman through survival, through creating safety, through proving your worthiness and trying to be validated and seen through a level of doing and achieving.
And this death requires grieving, but no one really prepares you for the fact that you actually do need to grieve this part of you and that this is all going to come up.
Because, you know, the internet, we talk about like leveling up and becoming her and all of these like really sexy, fun terms like a glow up and everything.
And I think we put a lot of these things on like things like a breakup or a divorce or anything.
And you are going to level up and you are going to become her and you're going to create your own glow up in all of these different ways, whatever you're going through that is on the other side of that.
but these sexy terms kind of make us forget that there is a really freaking hard part that we have to go through do and it's really uncomfortable and it kind of makes you question things like is this how it's supposed to feel like I feel really uncomfortable I feel really scared like I don't want to do this or like I'm literally crying or I'm having a freak out on the floor right no one really talks about what you have to like bury or let go of or feel or process to get to that level up to become her to have this glow up whatever you want to feel on the other side of it right so If you have been feeling this identity crisis or you've been feeling foggy or stuck or maybe even like weirdly emotional about a decision for yourself that is, in quotations, supposed to feel exciting, this might be why.
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