Boy Problems

Sp*rm Never Lies with Zach Noe Towers

Jul 2, 2026 · 1 hr 3 min · 17 segments

This week on the show, Liz is joined by the human ray of sunshine Zach Noe Towers. They start the episode talking about doorbells, but quickly devolve into chaos -- getting into sperm consistency…

This week on the show, Liz is joined by the human ray of sunshine Zach Noe Towers. They start the episode talking about doorbells, but quickly devolve into chaos -- getting into sperm consistency, swallowing etiquette, and red flags you can flag before getting hot and heavy. Along the way: pheromones are fake (RIP to everything we believed about attraction), Taylor Swift's wedding drama, why New York men hit different, Tom Brady's new “Good Nut” drink (who is it for?), and a thorough debate on airplane etiquette. Do not operate heavy machinery during this episode. Just trust us. Thanks for watching and for all the wild, unhinged comments—you genuinely make this episode what it is. If you enjoyed it, share it with your most unwell friend, hit subscribe so you never miss a Boy Problems spiral, and drop a comment with your worst red flag theory (we’re collecting data at this point). ⁠Join the Patreon here! ⁠⁠ Submit your boy problems ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠here⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Check out⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠Airplane Mode with Liz Plank⁠⁠⁠⁠ on Substack⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠! Liz Plank is an award-winning journalist, filmmaker, international bestselling author, and producer of several critically acclaimed digital series at Vox Media and NBC News. She currently hosts⁠⁠⁠⁠ Boy Problems⁠⁠⁠⁠, a podcast that tackles love, masculinity, dating disasters, and life’s biggest questions.

This week on the show, Liz is joined by the human ray of sunshine Zach Noe Towers. They start the episode talking about doorbells, but quickly devolve into chaos -- getting into sperm consistency…

Speakers: Liz PlankHostZach Noe TowersGuest

Show signals: SuitabilitySafeBiasNot politicalAudience≈350k followers

Cold-Open Chaos & Podcast Welcome0:00 – 2:34

0:00

How should we do a 4th of July Bro Girl Summer? How

Zach Noe TowersGuest

0:02

adult can we be on this?

0:03

Let's be very adult.

0:04

Tell me everything you know about sperm.

0:06

Go.

0:06

You might have been in a sweatshop.

0:07

I wasn't ready for that.

0:09

I know.

0:09

Pheromones don't exist.

0:10

No.

0:11

This is exceeding every expectation.

0:13

My favorite thing is trying not to get murdered.

0:15

Zach is manspreading,

Zach Noe TowersGuest

0:16

but manspreading for good.

Zach Noe TowersGuest

0:17

This is the most chaotic podcast I've ever done.

0:23

Hello and welcome back to Boy Problems.

0:27

Happy almost 4th of

UnknownUnknown

0:28

July.

0:29

Happy.

0:29

You know what? We're celebrating America this year as if nothing ever happened.

0:34

You know, we're just going to go.

0:35

It's Broke Girl Summer.

0:37

We're still Broke Girl Summering.

0:39

I just got my period.

0:40

I know what you're thinking.

0:41

Liz, you just had your period.

0:42

Yeah, I did.

0:43

And I have it again.

0:45

Literally, I had one week off and I have my period again.

0:48

And that's on perimenopause.

0:49

Okay.

0:50

As I told Chessie this morning, don't get perimenopause.

0:53

Don't do it.

0:53

If you can't avoid it, heavily discourage.

0:55

The upside of perimenopause though, is that my boobs got bigger and I don't know the science of it.

1:01

So if you know why my boobs got bigger because of perimenopause, let me know in the comments below.

1:06

to be a Google-free episode.

1:07

We are going full nostalgic, full 90s, because our guest today is just a delightful joy, a delightful millennial joy.

1:19

His name is Zach Noe Towers.

1:21

He is just a sentient fart joke.

1:25

I don't even know how to explain how funny this man is.

1:28

He is one of the funniest people to ever turn a personal crisis into a punchline.

1:33

Whether he's unpacking internet culture, the absurdity of being alive in 2026, or aging in general, right? Like in a culture that is so scared of aging.

1:44

He is just a delight.

1:45

I just would make sure that during this episode, you are not drinking any liquids at any time because they will come out of your nose.

1:54

I don't recommend operating heavy machinery.

1:57

If you are, I would just like get ready to laugh your pants off.

2:02

Zach is so wonderful.

2:04

And before we get into our conversation with him, I do want to tell you how much I've appreciated how many comments.

2:12

and reviews you've left on the podcast.

2:16

It means a lot and it really helps more people find our show and find our lovely little family, the Boy Problems family, the Whimsy Maxing Baddies.

2:25

And so please keep them coming every week.

2:28

I feel like your comments get better and better.

2:30

And we're going to go over some of my favorite comments at the end of the episode.

2:33

So stay tuned for that.

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