087 - Lily | 2nd baby, miscarriage, freebirth, waterbirth, past dates pregnancy, postnatal doula

When, at what point did you realise you were ready to try for another baby?

I kind of always thought I'd like to have like quite a big age gap.

Holly, who I think you've also had on the podcast, is like a big advocate for like four year age gap.

And in my head, I was like, yeah, that sounds like a really nice plan.

Like, as I said before, we would, we had Ren when we were quite young.

And so I had the luxury of time.

I did just get a bit impatient and I was like actually I think lots of my friends were having babies by then and I was a bit like oh we want to do that again and you know women's hormones were doing things and I was like let's try and after a bit Harry was on board too and I really wanted I guess the main thing I really took away from what Holly spoke to in actually one of the Pink Flamingo episodes we spoke about kind of age gaps and one thing that I did hold on to was I just really wanted my body to have had some time not breastfeeding sleeping a bit better taking you know my nutritional health and really seriously and knowing that everything I was putting in my body wasn't just going out of my body in kind of making breast milk and I wanted to do stuff that was independent and on my own I wanted to do those things and when I felt like I'd done that enough and I was in a good strong place then I was going to be ready to kind of try again and I did think I did a pretty good go at that And then, yeah, it took a little bit longer this time, which, yeah, it was a kind of a humbling experience, really, because we were quite lucky the first time and it happened very quickly.

And this time it took, you know, not long by any means.

And so we were very, very, very lucky again.

But it did take a few months and, God, those months felt like years.

So I...

I do, yeah, as I say, it was humbling because I just think for the people who it does take longer for, like that experience just eats you up and it is everything and how people are meant to carry on with their lives and have kind of a dual life where one brain is keeping up with your work and your friends and your life and the other one is just constantly thinking about every single symptom and every day and every hour and all of those sort of things.

I, yeah, I'm... um amazed and sad for people who that's their reality but yes so we we tried and then we got pregnant um and it was very exciting of course um but sadly we actually miscarried that pregnancy and it was awful I was on my own on a train and actually I was going back to Sussex from Bristol to say goodbye to our family home which I'd lived in for or our family had lived in for 30 years ever since I was born.

And we were all going back to Sussex to sort of have one meal together and say goodbye and leave the house.

And halfway home, as I got into Paddington, I started bleeding everywhere.

And it was just awful.

And I just sort of froze in Paddington station, really, not really knowing what to do.

I just had that, oh, I have such a strong memory of it.

I just sort of knew it had happened.

And I was on a very busy train and I was in the window seat.

Someone was obviously blocking me from the aisle and the aisle was jammed with people anyway.

And I just knew I started bleeding.

Like it wasn't like I was wet or anything.

I just knew it was happening.

Like I had a cramp and I just knew and I was just nothing I could do.