Aug 26, 2026 · 29 min · 10 segments
I chose this episode to share again, because I think it is so personal. It could be easy to forget that BK is “merely human,” and think that the most educated among us does everything perfectly…
Barbara KarnesGuest
Diane HullettHost
So a lot of years later, a lot of, uh, water under the bridge to then come to this final transition place together.
I, I remember one thing you wrote about it at one point was kind of the, the surprise of the loneliness of it, of this past year, you know, that you just, you had 60 plus years of waking up and talking to somebody else, making breakfast together, sharing coffee, looking at the newspaper, talking about the news, going to bed at night and reflecting on the day, and that's just such a big, big change that I don't know how much people talk about.
I certainly did not realize the significance of it, and I, and I don't think it's, it's talked about very much unless you've been in those shoes, and then you really realize.
You know, um, for 65 years, basically, we were a we, and then this last year I have become a me, and I don't know how to be a me.
Um, I've had to learn, uh, what, to, to do what I wanna do, because it was always we would consider each other, um, 24/7.
And I didn't realize that in grief, that probably the biggest Challenge in my grieving has to learn how to be a me.
And, um, you know, I talk about advanced directives and I talk about learning, um, the, the role that the other person plays, and I tried to get information, uh, but he would say, "Oh, not now, Barbara.
Not now." So I tried twice and the aft- and then I thought, "No, he's not gonna do it." So I had to learn to do his jobs, which I'd never done, and that is, I didn't even know what banks, what bank accounts we had, what charge, what credit cards he had.
Um, and so that was another whole learning experience for me, m- which is huge, but the consistent daily ones.
Right now I'm dealing with, what do I want for dinner? Because there's a lot of difference between cooking for two or one.
And I, and that's what I'm trying to figure out now, is what do I want for dinner? And you go to the store and you end up with more food than you want because I'm used to buying, you know, a certain amount.
We're in the kitchen and we're waiting for the funeral home to come pick her up.
And I, we're sitting at the kitchen table and I'm beside him and he's crying appropriately, and he keeps saying, "I don't know how I'm gonna live without her.
And I'm, I've got my arm around him, and, "Yeah, yeah." And he looks at me and he yells, "You don't understand.
I don't know how much money's in the bank." And I remember that, obviously, but it didn't make as big an impression [laughs] on me as it does now.
So a lot of years later, a lot of, uh, water under the bridge to then come to this final transition place together.
I, I remember one thing you wrote about it at one point was kind of the, the surprise of the loneliness of it, of this past year, you know, that you just, you had 60 plus years of waking up and talking to somebody else, making breakfast together, sharing coffee, looking at the newspaper, talking about the news, going to bed at night and reflecting on the day, and that's just such a big, big change that I don't know how much people talk about.
I certainly did not realize the significance of it, and I, and I don't think it's, it's talked about very much unless you've been in those shoes, and then you really realize.
You know, um, for 65 years, basically, we were a we, and then this last year I have become a me, and I don't know how to be a me.
Um, I've had to learn, uh, what, to, to do what I wanna do, because it was always we would consider each other, um, 24/7.
And I didn't realize that in grief, that probably the biggest Challenge in my grieving has to learn how to be a me.
And, um, you know, I talk about advanced directives and I talk about learning, um, the, the role that the other person plays, and I tried to get information, uh, but he would say, "Oh, not now, Barbara.
Not now." So I tried twice and the aft- and then I thought, "No, he's not gonna do it." So I had to learn to do his jobs, which I'd never done, and that is, I didn't even know what banks, what bank accounts we had, what charge, what credit cards he had.
Um, and so that was another whole learning experience for me, m- which is huge, but the consistent daily ones.
Right now I'm dealing with, what do I want for dinner? Because there's a lot of difference between cooking for two or one.
And I, and that's what I'm trying to figure out now, is what do I want for dinner? And you go to the store and you end up with more food than you want because I'm used to buying, you know, a certain amount.
We're in the kitchen and we're waiting for the funeral home to come pick her up.
And I, we're sitting at the kitchen table and I'm beside him and he's crying appropriately, and he keeps saying, "I don't know how I'm gonna live without her.
And I'm, I've got my arm around him, and, "Yeah, yeah." And he looks at me and he yells, "You don't understand.
I don't know how much money's in the bank." And I remember that, obviously, but it didn't make as big an impression [laughs] on me as it does now.
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