Begin Again Moments: Growing Up With A Narcissistic Parent

I was eight years old, and I went to a...

I lived in a small town called St Neots, and we went shopping one day in Bedford, which is nearby, maybe, you know, a 30-minute or so bus ride away.

And so we went there, and, um, and I remember, it's probably one of my earliest memories as, as a child.

I can remember it so clearly 'cause we were having a nice day, and we were shopping.

And then I can't remember exactly what happened.

I think, I think we just had an argument basically about something.

I think I said I wanted to get a drink, and she said she wanted to finish what she was doing.

I, I can't remember the exact detail, but then she just basically said, "Well, you can just get home on your own then, can't you?" And she walked off and left me.

Now, at eight years old, I don't know if that's normal or not, right? At, at eight years old, I'm just instantly thinking, "Okay, I've got to, I've got to get home.

You know, what do I do? How do I get home? What, what bus do I have to get?" We came in a car, by the way, so I didn't know what bus I had to get, and I didn't have any money on me.

So of course back then, no mobile phones, no nothing, right? So it's, it's kind of an interesting panic.

Now, you know, since growing up now, I've got a seven-year-old.

He's just about to turn 8.

I can't even leave him in his bedroom on his own, you know? Like, I like, I look, check in on him, make sure he's okay.

So now I understand maybe, you know, it was, it was, it was technically wrong, but it didn't feel wrong to me at the time.

I felt like I'd done something wrong, and she was punishing me.

That's what parents do when you do something wrong, so but I guess kind of this is the good thing about when people are hard on you.

I learnt to get home.

I l- I, I learnt to, you know, get the money I needed, figure out the bus, get on the bus.

You know, an eight-year-old is not a, a, it's not a weakling, you know? I, I m- I managed to learn this thing that I now carry with me.

You can call it a curse or a blessing, but anything is possible, and you can just...

You know, despite being dumped in a town with no money, I can survive.

Yes.

Which is kind of an interesting revelation.

It's almost a bit freeing.