Do you want to be happier or less miserable?

Why does pursuing happiness often backfire? One, it turns a feeling into a performance.

When happiness becomes the goal, you start monitoring yourself.

Am I happy yet? Should I be happier? That constant self-checking increases rumination, which ironically lowers mood.

Instead of living your life, you're auditing it.

Right now, I, you know, track my sleep.

My girlfriend is wearing the Oura Ring.

And moment to moment I found myself looking at the stats more than just like listening to my body and it, it became stressful.

And I think we do the same thing with happiness.

It's kinda like if you're weighing yourself every day, like that constant tracking, checking, measuring.

Am I happy? Have I lost weight? How many paint- how many pounds have I lost? It, it, it starts to feel performative and you kind of lose touch with yourself.

The second reason that pursuing happiness often backfires is it raises the emotional bar too high.

Happiness sounds like joy, excitement, fulfillment, peace all at once.

That's a tall order for a Tuesday afternoon.

Normal human states, neutral, tired, mildly stressed, then feel like failure.

I'm in a 12-step program right now for sugar and one of the things I've had to wrestle with is realizing that being in a neutral state is the...

Not the best place to be, but an ideal place to be because I can spend a lot of time chasing excitement, chasing, um, you know, cortisol spikes, whether it's through reading crime novels or watching crime shows or just, you know, trying to mix things up because I'm bored.

Like being neutral, it, it felt like death, felt like something was wrong because you look outside and it looks like everybody's living these great and wonderful lives.

You watch TV, you get on social media, and you feel like you should be thriving and like frolicking through a field and it, it's not realistic.

No one is at a constant state of fulfillment, joy, peace.

You know, these spas promise you that.

These commercials promise the same.

"If you come here, you'll be so...

You'll be in such a serene space and all your worries will wash-" It's like, no, if you watch White Lotus on HBO, you know that no matter where you are, your troubles can find you.