Stop Romanticizing Trust, Start Looking Out For Yourself

Let's have a conversation about trust, trust in a relationship.

I think we have romanticized trust that we meet someone, we're in a relationship with someone, we marry someone, we have kids with someone, and that we should just be able to trust them fully.

And so we give away all of our autonomy because we trust them.

And we place this blindly on in another flawed human beings hands.

We trust someone so we hand over money or power or our ability to make money.

Some women do this.

We trust someone so we intermingle our entire lives with someone.

And then when someone betrays the trust, we blame them because we didn't have our own backs.

We didn't own our own autonomy.

And this is what I see with women all the time is that when a relationship goes sideways, there's a betrayal, there's lying, there's a switch up in behavior.

These are all breaches of trust, right? And I don't want to minimize that.

But we have to be able to see that we are all flawed human beings.

And we have to, instead of going, I trusted this person, I gave them everything, I did this, I did that, I showed up, I this and that, and I gave my life, gave everything.

Well, whose choices were, was it to do that? We have to own that instead of blaming another person for taking.

We have to look at, well, why did I not have any boundaries around giving? Boundaries around my trust.

We're taught to just have an open heart and give freely and be abundant and be nurturing and selfless and put the other person first.

Well, what I have seen in the last 13 years of working with women is decades being in relationships myself that that is a naive way to approach love it might sound jaded but it's not you can still be in a relationship while still maintaining your own autonomy and this is what I'm so passionate about working with women around is how do you do that it's not to say that you can't have a relationship But do you want one where you have to mother someone, a grown man, where you have to teach, where you have to constantly be on guard, to constantly be absorbing their toxic ways of being? No, you do not have to do any of that.

You can have a relationship where you maintain your own independence in the six dimensions that I've talked about here over the last several episodes.

If you have not caught up, make sure you go to the episode that says start here because that is the kind of where you start to get caught up with the new season and where we're going with this.

And I want you to be able to see things from this more empowered place instead of in the fantasy that because you're in a relationship with someone, it means they're never going to betray you and it's forever going And you blindly give up your money, your trust, your sovereignty, your own way of thinking and your own experience, your own perceptions, the values that you hold that are important to you.

And you slowly start giving those things away.

We have to take ownership for when we do that and when we're not taking a stand for the things that really matter, right? And if you're with someone that doesn't give a shit and they're not willing to work with you to make sure both of you have your needs met, that is not a partnership.

That's not a relationship anyways.

And so we're taught that we shouldn't have to change in a relationship.

That's another fallacy.