Confidence or Disrespect?

So today I'm going to talk about a woman, a young black woman that I mentor and her unique views on the world.

Both of her parents are black.

She went to a predominantly white school and she has a master's degree and a good job in a predominantly white male industry.

She has always done well.

She's always beat expectations, but she experiences something that's common to mixed people.

She doesn't fully fit in either world.

So let's break it down.

What could go wrong? She's one of the good ones.

That's how I often heard it.

She's confident, articulate, and smart, but she finds herself butting heads with her boss.

She then elevates the situation to the COO.

The three of them meet, but it doesn't get any better.

Then one day he yells at her in front of the team, and she wonders in her words, maybe it's because I was raised white.

And I've thought about that question a lot.

Maybe there's some truth in it, but I know her.

And if she believes she's right, she will stand up to anyone.

And if she knows she's right, she will hang on until her rival concedes.

She went to a school where asking questions and pushing back were rewarded.

So standing her ground is the only style she was ever taught.

That's not a bad trait, but that's not always going to work with your boss.

But she literally doesn't know any other way.

I know that style from the other side, going to a white school and then switching to a black one.

I learned to read the room and perform whatever version of myself would keep me safe.

And honestly, in some ways, I wish I had her tenacity.

She never learned to shrink.