How to Talk to Someone About Getting Help When They Don’t Think They Need It

"Help, my kid, my partner is, like, enraged, exploding in rage," or they're depressed, they're anxious, and I really think they need help.

But they're like, "I'm not the problem here," right? "I, uh..." You know, it's, it's really like you are the problem or the world is the problem or, you know, there's something else.

So they don't see that they actually can benefit from therapy.

It's so frustrating.

I've, I've definitely been there personally [chuckles] and professionally, um, especially when you... th-there's, like, substances in the mix, right? Like when my mom was drinking a lot, she was really angry about stuff.

She was really angry about, you know, uh, her divorce or her situation in life, and it was like that was the only problem.

But she didn't see how much drinking caused a lot of the issues, right? That it caused a lot of the fights, a lot of her depression, a lot of the, you know, eventually the, um, physical problems too.

Now, that makes total sense because for her, and for many other people, they see something as a problem, but drinking, for example, is a solution, right? It's the thing that make them feel better, makes them feel like they could actually, um, cope with the situation, changes the way they feel, right? So it's like they're, they're not seeing the situation the same way.

They're like, "No, I have this pain, and this is my solution." They might be aware it's not the best solution, but they're like, "This is what works for me, and how could you say that my solution is the problem? How can you tell me to stop drinking?" Right? Similar for, you know, even anxiety, right? They're like, "Oh, this-- the what-ifs are the problem.

The thing that might-- I'm scared of happening, my worries are the problem.

So avoiding something that's terrifying me, um, you know, not meeting anyone new, not talking to someone new, that is, that's, that's my solution to my problem, which is I'm af-afraid of rejection," for example.

So [chuckles] then you're like, "Uh, yeah, but the thing that is your coping mechanism, your solution, is causing more problems," right? So drinking is making you angrier and causing more issues with your relationships.

Your avoidance is actually, like, cutting you off from things that you really care about.

So it's a really tough situation.

So what I'm gonna do today is I'm gonna talk about why people resist treatment.

I kind of mentioned a little bit right now that, you know, like, they feel like you, you-- they might have a different perspective of what the problem is, right? And that means, like, a different perspective of what their solution is.

But we'll talk about why some people resist treatment.

Um, and then I will go into some of the common principles or strategies, um, that you see in all different kinds of approaches to talking to someone about treatment and change.