[laughs]

You choose which one you want to believe.

Either of those could be true, or indeed, both a lie.

I don't think public displays of affection are what we actually need now in this country.

I think we should double down on the fact that we don't like touching one another in public in any way, shape, or form.

Public displays of affection are not for me- [whistle] Oh, my God.

Well, can you tell us in 60 seconds on my autobiography title, starting now.

It wasn't easy choosing the title of my autobiography, but it was good in parts, seemed to fill it out adequately.

Was he the drunk guy?

He was the drunk guy, but he had so much fun, and you just knew he did.

The favorite-- my favorite Saturday morning Kitchen I ever watched, he was making a stew for some Welsh rugby players, and at the end of the clip, he got so drunk, he just threw the stew over himself and did a sort of strenuous and dance.

He's eaten himself sick?

I think he's had to stop doing it, yeah.

Because he wouldn't eat for ages, and then he'd sit down and eat, like, a 45-pound pizza.

And funnily enough, that's not good for the human system, apparently.

[laughs]

But, um, but the whole point was, like, Iran had put a restriction on the Strait of Hormuz of, of boats going through.

So to counter that, the USA put a, a s- restriction on the boats going through the Strait of Hormuz.

I don't...

I'm confused.

It's like trying to solve a headache by punching yourself in the face.

[laughs]

But apparently [laughs] one of the s- one of the s- Secretary of States of the States said, you know, "The short-term pain will be much better than having to suffer a nuclear attack on London." And you're like, "What?"They didn't even, they, they, they weren't even prepared for a nuclear attack on London.

What's the biggest shark?

Uh, well, the biggest one [laughs] that we had was, it, it was quite funny.

We were, we were on a dive.

We were at a cleaning station where there were sharks being cleaned by little fish, and we were watching these sharks, and we were like, "These are beautiful." They were the, the...

I think they were Galapagos sharks and black, uh, blacktips.

And all of a sudden my friend turned around and, uh, if you've ever wondered whether it's possible to hear somebody scream underwater, I can tell you it is.

So give, give everyone a quick idea of what, uh, is there.

So the podcast is called The Running Joke.

And, and lockdown kind of scuppered that.

Yes.

I just got...

So I was, I was s- all set to do, um, the first series of Lightning, which is a BBC Two quiz show.

Um, and it got, it all got taken out.

You know, it all got taken out.

I ended up during lockdown, um, driving a, a veg van for a while around London just...

Okay.

Can you speak for 60 seconds without hesitating, repeating, or deviating on as cool as a cucumber starting now.

I really wish I was as cool as a cucumber.

Unfortunately, I'm at that point in life where I'm as, as hot as a horseradish.

[laughing] But to be cool as a cucumber, just walking into clubs, into the VIP area, straight past that velvet rope.

All the other vegetables and fruits looking at you in envy.

Oh, there they go, those cool cucumbers.

Clicking their fingers if they had any of those digits.

[laughs]