Okay.

My problem [laughs] was the things that resonated with me as real as like what Chabad is, is about, the things the Rebbe's speaking about, it's not what I was seeing being lived and how people were being treated, and I, I didn't see the love of Lubavitch I saw control, I saw systems, [laughs] I saw oppression, I saw making sure people don't express themselves.

I s- I mean...

And I could give you some, like, I don't, I don't know if I should, 'cause I'm not trying to depict anybody or, or out anybody, but, like, sincere wanting more and better and authentic was met with, "How dare you question the way we do things?" I mean, give me an example.

Just don't say a name.

I was a 15-year-old, really at a crossroads internally between, like, go spend my time with the cool kids.

We were getting drunk every Friday night at f- you know, at 15.

Like, how do you defend the idea of real, the subjective realness that you're talking about?