did you ever feel like you were holding a secret was there anyone that you confided in what did that look like

um not that i can remember see It's still, like I wonder leaving this conversation today whether I'll go, did I represent that the way that it actually was? I'm still unpacking what happened.

And as I said, the last three months I've done a lot of work with my therapist and with that little version of myself to go, what actually was going on? Because I'm still not sure I know the full picture.

And so I didn't know until I was, what am I now, nearly 49.

I usually need my daughter here to tell me how old I am.

I think I'm turning 49 this weekend.

Oh, no way.

Tell us about what that experience was like and how that then became the trajectory for you to start your recovery journey.