That all of these outside trappings were meaningless because I had no idea what Who I was or was there even a me? Because I had grown up learning how to put on the mask and I had learned how to perform and learned how to behave and learned how to make sure nobody asked the tough questions.

Okay, let me add to my answer.

My mom killed herself when I was three and a half years old.

That's where everything went sideways for me.

My aunt also killed herself.

My uncle also killed himself.

So like you, listening to you the way I was and will continue to do so, I had everything in life.

Who's the best fit for