Yeah.

But this woman has been do- has, you know, trained with him lots, and is used to working with him, and then he, they're doing a trick, and then he just grabs her by the hair and pulls her under the water and drowns her.

We will come to all these theories and more in the final part.

Okay.

I can't wait.

[upbeat music]

Because some people find magicians kind of creepy and weird.

Yes, I hear that.

But do you know what? I'm going to sound really earnest now, and this is quite a way to start the pod.

But there's an amazing charity that I do stuff with called Spread a Smile.

Here we go.

But one of the things they do is they take magicians into hospitals for children that are having sort of long-term treatments.

They take entertainers in to sort of brighten up their days.

So they think they're going to get just the, you know, a stuffed toy that's been put back together and they get an actual, you know, let's be honest, dangerous cat.

Oh.

As I opened the door of the cubicle, a girl flopped through the main door of the toilet.

She'd obviously been on a particularly heavy session.

She scrambled into an open cubicle, dropped trou with the door wide open- So as I was standing in the basin, I could clearly see her in the reflection of the mirror.

I washed my hands and was reapplying lipstick when I realized the girl had finished and was looking for toilet roll.

I turned round to see if any other cubicles had toilet roll, but no joy.

What happens next seemed to go in slow motion.

[laughs] This is...

Was that your worst gig at the Two Brewers?

I mean, that was pretty, I mean, you have quite a lot of bad gigs when you start because you're not very good yet.

You know, you're like, oh, I've got like two stories to string together and I've got okay stage presence and I'm working out how to get people's attention and get them to stay with me.

But yeah, I had like really bad gigs in some comedy clubs that were just really tough and And just, I remember going on, before I went on stage, someone said to me, we've got six stag do's and five hen do's in.

And it's impossible.

And it's impossible.

And you learn very quickly that you can take the piss out of a hen do.

Tell us about that quickly.

[laughs]

My, uh, my cousin Sophie was once on a gap year in Australia, saw a guy in a bar, and was like, "I know him.

I definitely, definitely know him." So, went up to him and was like, "Hey, you're from Portsmouth, right? I'm Sophie, like, I'm sure we know each other." He was like, "I don't think we do." And then she was like, "I don't know why this guy..." Anyway, the drunker she got, the more she was like, "That guy's my friend, and I don't know why he's being weird." It was Lee Ryan from Blue.

[laughing]

[laughs]

... "My husband..." No, 'cause it was a, it was a couple, but I couldn't remember which one of them came up to me.

It was, it was the woman came up to me, and she said, "My husband says you're someone off the telly, but I don't believe him."

Yeah.

So growing up in a world where, like, what, talking about what I was was kind of, it was illegal for people, for teachers to, t- to, to, to, to b- to be accepting of, of who I knew I was.

And so I think because of that, and I mean, obviously when you're looking at years and years and years before, you look at decriminalization, you look at, you know, women like me would've been sent off to asylums.

So I think that when you grow up with that sort of noise, shame becomes, shame became a very integral part of who I am.

I was very ashamed of my sexuality when I was growing up.

I really hated that I was gay.

I really didn't want to be gay.

Um, what did that look like?

yeah

and it was really homophobic and i was like this just isn't for me and so yeah just didn't love it and then i and i don't think all men's games like that but the one that i was i went to pompey i mean it was just a bit rough around the edges at Fratton Park that day and then Maisie was convinced that over the course of a tournament she could make me a football fan a women's football fan really and so over the last World Cup that was out in Australia we started our podcast Big Kick Energy and the idea of the podcast initially was can Maisie make me a football fan

Okay.

So then I learnt all about the players.

And we...

I mean, I love it when football fans say we because I've honestly done nothing.

I've done less than nothing to lift the Euros twice.

But it was just after the...

... you like to write? Is it just chunky bit, bit, bit, bit, bit?

I'd say 50 minutes of funny, five minutes of thoughtful.

'Cause I think that...

And I don't think that's the same for everybody.

I think that's the kind of stand-up shows that I like writing.

Um, but I also think I l- um, I think there's always something with being someone that is openly gay on stage, um, talking about what my l- life looks like as a gay person and talking about, like this show I'm talking about getting married and potentially starting a family.

Um, for me it's very important that, um, that I say, that there's a moment where I sort of go, "By the way, this is different for me." So the show at the festival is playing really, really well and people are really enjoying it, and people are coming up to me afterwards and saying lovely things.

[laughs]

Yeah, yeah.

Like, I would hate to be reviewed, you know, in a room above a pub when people have paid a fiver to watch me pad through a show.

Saying that [laughs] I don't have critics come and see me on tour, so [laughs]What can I say? No, they're allowed to come.

They just have to buy their own tickets

[laughs]

I know he's a nice guy, he's done some good stuff, but Bono, I think if Julie's getting annoyed that people haven't mentioned that she made some suggestions about a puppet in The Lion King when she's credited-

Yeah.

And it changes between one show and another.

And I didn't know if it meant that, like the front of it.

I'm trying to work out what they're doing, though.

'Cause the thing is, is that have none of them ever been to the theater? Because there is only so much you can do.

Yeah.

The thing is with Broadway, and I know this 'cause I've had a couple of friends that have done it, but if you're in a hit on Broadway, everyone goes.

So my friend was in a play on Broadway, and one night Sarah Jessica Parker knocked on her door to say well done.

Mm-hmm.

Uh, but it ended up being the, the title of the book because I, as you say, I'm a stand-up comic.

I love being a comic.

For me, like Ben was saying earlier, funny is the most important thing.

I love making people laugh.

I get such a kick out of it.

And I have spoken a bit on stage about, uh, sort of living with anxiety and the fact that it's always been sort of quite a loud part of my life.

Me too.

You've gotta give her that.

Oh, yeah, that's very creative.

But, I mean, it's funny, isn't it, because when someone does something like that and the thing that they create is a huge hit, you go, wow, what a creative process.

That's what he said.

[laughs] But you do sort of, in the theater, you do sort of want the audience to be on top of each other.

It's how you get, like, a roll of laughter.

So can you explain what you wanted to do?

I wanted to be in the West End.

I did a lot of amateur dramatics, I did tap dancing, I did singing lessons.

I did all of those things.

I really wanted to do that.

I don't think I have a good enough voice or I'm a good enough dancer.

[laughs]

Yeah

Yeah

...

there must have been female strippers that are like, "I have been doing this really well for so long." And you would never get that, would you? You'd never get-

Yeah

... veered into illegal.

But I think that potentially if you were a very famous female stripper, you, your fear wouldn't be, "Oh my God, all these men are gonna throw themselves at me." Your fear might be, "A man's gonna kill me."

There is room for more than one nightclub.

And I feel like, and I'm sure we'll get into this, but Steve's getting greedy.

If the most you can get in is 300 people, and you've got in 600, just enjoy your life.

Yeah

... is that, that whole thing of, like, finding someone that's homely and making it...

What he's, he is bringing to it is the opposite of what a man would potentially want at a straight strip show.

You know, a man going to watch a woman would not care about the decor.

They wouldn't care about the vibe.

[laughs] Fair.

No, I didn't.

But I did think they were all excellent dancers, and I did...

I was really impressed by that.

And, I mean, similar to you, Josh, they are in the, the shape of their lives.

I've got to get in there and see a big neck.

But do you know what? This doesn't surprise me, Josh, 'cause we both know this from the times when we played the clubs, is that raucous women at a comedy club are far harder work than raucous men.

Mm-hmm

... that I'm...

And I don't think this is specific to people that work in our industry, I think it's anyone.

And so it started off sort of being the- I had bits and bobs about that, sort of trying to do a lot of things.

And then the show sort of shifted while I was in d- while I was doing warm-up shows of it.

And what...

The, the broad thing of what the show's about is, as I said to you earlier, I've got a five-year-old daughter.

Always.